


Opalite

by OceanPalace



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: (Rating Change) - Rated M for Language, Alternate Universe - No Ultimate Talents (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Childhood Trauma, Fluff, Hinata Hajime & Komaeda Nagito & Nanami Chiaki - Freeform, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito/Nanami Chiaki (Platonic), Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Minor time skips, Mutual Pining, Oneshot, Sexual Content (Non-Explicit), childhood best friends, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 15:27:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14917928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OceanPalace/pseuds/OceanPalace
Summary: If the burden of unrequited feelings wasn’t enough for a single person to bear, Nagito Komaeda was certain that his additional punishment would be having feelings for the densest moron alive.Not that he particularly minded being his best friend anyway.After all, it wasn’t just him. Rather, three friends that remained inseparable since their childhood days; Nagito loved Chiaki and Hajime with all his being. A most fateful encounter, he might add, that they were the ones that saved him from the burning car he had been trapped in. All thanks to his bad luck, that ironically brought him into the lives of his best friends, into his new life.





	Opalite

**Author's Note:**

> hey! it's me again... unfortunately.  
> anyways, i guess 2018 is as good of a year as any to start with sdr2, so here's my first shot at these guys. 
> 
> this work is entirely by my hands and is not beta-tested whatsoever, but i have done my best to go through and fix errors. please note, i'm really bad at pacing, but i'm trying to practice writing a little more to get better at it. i'll be back to fix more, if need be.  
> i'm not that great at writing since this is technically the second work i've ever written, the first of this length, and i'm still pretty crap with my english/communication skills. ah, well... 
> 
> my apologies if komaeda is a little OOC, but since this is despair-free, talent-free content, he's less on-edge. (let the boy rest.)  
> on that note, komaeda's luck doesn't quite play a factor in this story, but it's a slightly different take on him and his childhood trauma. i also adore the dynamic between these three characters; i honestly fell in love with the trio. this is my love letter to them. i can only hope that i did them justice... but i'll be back if that's not the case.  
> i also apologize for this being... uh, cheesy. and very soft. i'm very weak about these things, and again, writing is not my strength, but i enjoy it nonetheless. i can only hope that you all like it as well.
> 
> thanks for reading, and i hope you enjoy!

A rather odd puddle of water, laying around unaffected during one of the hottest summer days, was the target of Nagito’s absentminded yet thoughtful glare.

If the burden of unrequited feelings wasn’t enough for a single person to bear, Nagito Komaeda was certain that his additional punishment would be having feelings for the densest moron alive.

Not that he particularly minded being his best friend anyway.

After all, it wasn’t just him. Rather, three friends that remained inseparable since their childhood days; Nagito loved Chiaki and Hajime with all his being. A most fateful encounter, he might add, that they were the ones that saved him from the burning car he had been trapped in. All thanks to his bad luck, that ironically brought him into the lives of his best friends, into his new life. It was strange to think about his past out of impulse, but the summer heat had seemingly brought demons as well to try and remind him of his past. Nagito’s gaze lifted from the concrete, using a hand to brush stray locks of his white hair out of his face.  
  
Letting his eyes shut, he could only hum to himself, _‘Lucky for me, I don’t really care or bother with trauma.’_

An exasperated voice broke Nagito out of his thoughts. “Alright, I’ve wrapped up around here. Let’s get the hell out of here.”  
He leaned back on the fence to see Hajime with his back to him, pulling down the shop’s metal gate in a single drag. It made him wince a little just looking at it. ‘ _That’s gotta hurt’,_ he thought while watching the other’s features laced with exhaustion. Nagito hopped off the concrete wall and stretched out his limbs, almost as an exaggeration.  
  
“About time, Hajime. You took so long that I thought fifty years had passed and I’d die a cripple on that stone fence.” A teasing smile grew on his face as he observed Hajime deadpanning back at him, “Well… I don’t really mind, as long as you build a stone statue in my honor.”  
Hajime ignores his idiotic commentary. Nagito had gotten used to that too but riling him up was worth it to see his annoyed expression. Though personally, he found that he liked it the most when he blushed. 

Hajime quickens his pace, trying to leave Nagito behind. The latter however, refused to take the hint. “So where are we headed now?” He spoke with rejuvenated enthusiasm. He couldn’t admit it out loud, but he felt like his ass really did cramp up sitting for so long. “Chiaki’s place, of course.”  
“Oh? Your girlfriend, eh?” Nagito dragged his words out as to tease him. It was almost a crime to pick on someone like him, but with how easily he reacted, he simply couldn’t help himself. As expected, Hajime’s face twitched upon hearing his words, “Shut up! Like you’re one to talk. You’re the one who sent her Valentine’s day gifts every year for the past decade and a half.” Hajime barked, reddening ever so slightly.  
  
‘ _Ah, there it is again…’_ Nagito subconsciously thought. His grey eyes drifted away from Hajime’s flustered expression for a moment; he didn’t want to think about the real reason for that blush, but seeing it was enough for him.  
  
On the way to Chiaki’s, the two of them walked side by side and made light conversation, letting the sun beam down on them, and feeling a drifting breeze carrying the scent of a freshly mowed lawn and spring water through the air. During weekdays like this one, the afternoon was when they all had time to kill after work. However, Hajime always made it a point to remind Nagito, that unlike a fairly middle-class person like Hajime, he didn’t even need a job because of his family’s immense wealth.  
Nagito’s only defense was his usual smile accompanied by a carefree shrug, insisting that he needed work to keep himself from being bored to death. Not to mention that Chiaki would probably kill him herself if he clung to her all day at her house while she worked. It made sense in Hajime’s mind, as Chiaki was not the kind of girl to piss off when it came to video games. She may be as reactive as a tree stump, but she had other, far more elusive, ways of being vengeful.

According to Nagito, who pulled out his stopwatch, it usually took about three minutes and thirty seconds for Chiaki to answer her doorbell. But today as the door in front of them swung open, Nagito’s face beamed in delight as he clicked his stopwatch to a halt.  
“Incredible! three minutes, twenty-eight seconds, and twenty-two milliseconds! That’s a new record for you!” He announced with a scarily genuine smile.  
Hajime bit his cheek and tried stifling his burst of laughter to no avail, _much_ to the dismay of a pouting Chiaki. “Remind me why we’re friends again?” She sighed, her eyes half lidded over her pink irises in annoyance, still holding her frown.  
  
The two of them stepped in without needing an invitation, and Nagito immediately slung his arm over her shoulder, gently poking her cheek puffed with air, “Oh come on, you know you love us. It’d help if you weren’t so distracted with your video games and simply answered the door, you know?” Chiaki decided not to answer that, with a whining reminder to no one in particular, that gaming was her full-time job.  She supposed that there was nothing lost in staying quiet, as they probably do it to spite her anyway. “Next time, I’ll just give you guys your own keys to the house.”  
  
Finally united, the three of them spent their afternoon together over convenience store snacks, soft drinks, and banter in peaceful bliss in the sanctity of Chiaki’s cozy bedroom. Since childhood, they’d made it their routine to end off their days together no matter how busy they might be. Growing into adults, it proved to be more difficult to stay true to their promise, but with no one else to support them, they knew they could always find happiness within one another in these seemingly meaningless days that meant everything to them.  
  
It always showed, in the way Hajime opens up and smiles, Chiaki finds herself able to laugh freely, and Nagito finds comfort in sharing and creating precious memories.  
Unlike the two of them however, Nagito never could quite found a way to share one of the emotions he saw often on his friends’ faces; sadness. Late nights or days, when life felt especially cruel, one of the two would have a something like a depressive spell cast on them, and Nagito could only sit back and comfort them.  
It’s not that he was always brimming with happiness, rather the contrary, with his self-deprecating habits. But he didn’t know how to truly feel it, express it, talk about it. It felt like an unknown word, an unknown sensation, that he had no way to decipher. It felt strange to feel anything deeper or more sorrowful than simple melancholy. Perhaps, though he didn’t want to admit it, his past really was to blame for this hurdle.

“Na. Gi. To!” Chiaki snapped her fingers in front of his face, startling him back to reality. He hadn’t realized how closely she’d been watching him, practically inches from his face with a look befitting of a stern and angry mother. Swallowing the nervous lump in his throat, a beat of silence followed before Chiaki spoke slowly “I said, did you take your medicine today?”  
Nagito felt his brain stutter for a bit, and momentarily grimaced at the word. “N-no. I forgot them… at home. Or maybe at work.” He tried to avoid both Chiaki’s and Hajime’s prying glare and hoped with every fiber in him that they wouldn’t catch his half-assed lie. “I guess I lost them… too bad!” He smiled, almost free of guilt. Hajime ran a hand through his hair, and unsurprisingly looked absolutely unconvinced.  
“…You’re a terrible liar, you know that?”  
  
“Why, thank you!”  
  
“That wasn’t a compliment!” Hajime scolded back at him, as he pulled out a container from his own bag.  
  
Nagito immediately froze. “What’s—”  
  
“Your medicine. I picked up your new prescription from the doctor because you kept avoiding her appointments. She’s seventy years old, give her a break!” He scolded him as he tampered around with the bottle, trying to open it. Immediately picking up on the cue, Chiaki scurried out of the bedroom to fetch water and a muffin. A nervous laugh bubbled in his throat as the white-haired boy realized he was being cornered. “I mean, it’s not because I don’t like my doctor, but the medicine is kind of…” Nagito spoke too quietly for Hajime to catch the last word. “Kind of what?”  
  
“Gross.” Nagito whispered away from him.  
  
By the time Chiaki re-entered the bedroom, Nagito and Hajime were practically wrestling on the floor of her bedroom, limbs flailing and squabbling on the ground. Tugs, pulls, and pushes at one another that were harmless, but utter chaos nonetheless.  
An incoherent and loud mess of words were being thrown, as Nagito resisted the tablet Hajime tried so desperately to get him to take. More than anything it was clear that Hajime was trying to promote “self-care” whether Nagito liked it or not. Even if it meant holding Nagito in a headlock.  
  
She barely batted an eyelid at the scene.

As the two of them started to grow tired from the struggle, Nagito felt a cool sensation as he found his back against the bedroom wall and simply admit defeat. With a heavy sigh, and more reluctance to spit out the words, he caved, “Okay fine! I don’t like it because it’s bitter! It’s awful! Bad! Terrible!”  
  
A silence broke out for much longer than he wanted.  
‘ _Oh, they’ll never let me forget this’,_ he whined and lamented to himself. Their expressions were mostly blank, though admittedly as he chanced another look, seeing Hajime’s spiky brown hair messier than usual made his chest feel a bit tight, much to his own dismay.  
  
The first one to break the awkward atmosphere was Hajime, who calmly picked up the tablet again, and tucked it into the muffin Chiaki handed over his shoulder. Nagito caught the green of his eyes glancing at him before they left again. “This might taste just as bad but… try hiding it in your own food. It might mask the flavor.” He passed over the muffin to Nagito, who sat there a little bewildered.  
  
“And here I was thinking you two would think I’m being stupid for ignoring my meds because they taste like shit.”  
  
“…You _are_ being stupid—”  
  
“ _Chiaki, shhh!_ ” Hajime hushed her, slightly embarrassed by her bluntness but immediately turning back to Nagito. “Look, at the end of the day you still need to take care of yourself, right? I’m not going to let you fall sick, so you must do so, no matter what. I’ll be watching you just to make sure.” He gently jabbed a finger to Nagito’s chest, “You got that?”  
“Be still my heart, soft boy Hajime Hinata-kun is being assertive _and_ caring!” Nagito joked, earning a sharp glare from the other, “But…” His voice quietened a little, a small smile playing on his lips, “I’ll do that. Because you said so.”  
  
If it weren’t for the Chiaki’s curtains thankfully emitting a soft pink lighting, Nagito would be bombarded with questions about even the faintest blush that permeated his cheeks at that moment, or how his eyes lingered on Hajime just a little too long to be safe. 

The evening ended with everyone growing too tired to move, Nagito decided to call it a night once the moon came out to play and the cicadas stopped crying. Like always, Hajime joined him for the walk as they lived in the same direction, Nagito about midway between their homes, and Hajime a little further away from the bustling city. Much like their walk to her house, the two of them chatted on the way back, albeit less as they were worn out from their day.  
To the left, an enticingly bright light caught Nagito’s attention from the corner of his eye. He suddenly stopped in his tracks.  
  
“Huh… I wonder…” Nagito raised his hand to his chin, tapping it thoughtfully as his gaze was unwavering, “Hey, let’s go over there!”  
  
Before Hajime had a moment to react, reply, or stop dragging his feet, he found himself suddenly being dragged and hauled off by the wrist against his will by Nagito, with his attention span of a squirrel.  
Other than a startled yelp, he made no noise or moves to resist him, as he knew it would do nothing but embarrass himself in an unknown neighborhood.  
But before he knew it, they’d stopped, with Hajime stumbling and crashing onto Nagito’s back.  
  
“You know, you really should give some warning before you…” Hajime’s words trailed off as he gathered himself and took in the sight before him. A small bridge lay before them, and beyond that, a body of water that was almost crystal clear, reflecting the moonlight in distorting ripples. If they were quiet enough, they could hear the rush of water from a nearby creek.  
Even the sky seemed so much clearer and full of stars with nothing but the moonlight around to illuminate them. “It’s not like I’ve never seen a pond or anything before but, I didn’t know this place even existed.”  
  
Nagito pulled away from the scene to look around him, noticing fragments of wood and other debris that lay scattered where they stood.  
“Actually, I think the place we’re standing right now is where a house used to be. I guess it got bulldozed recently? It makes sense, since this is the first time I’ve seen this despite living in this city for all my life.” After a few moments of comfortable silence, simply taking in the serene beauty, Nagito is the one to speak up again. “Say… how about we finally claim this as our own for just the two of us? Make it our secret spot?”  
  
Hajime’s eyes widened at the suggestion, and almost a bit forcefully interjected, “Wait, you mean leaving out Chiaki?” with the slightest look of sadness sweeping over him.  
Nagito sighed out of exasperation.  
“It’s not like we’re leaving her out completely, but I mean we could make this a spot where, I don’t know, we can talk to each other about _certain things_ you can’t bring up with her?”  
  
Hajime still looked confused and lost.  
  
_‘You absolute moron.’_  
  
“Don’t you realize you can use the time to talk to me about your feelings? I don’t know, maybe practice your confession?” Nagito teasingly narrows his eyes at Hajime, point blank square, for his response. Suddenly registering what he meant, Hajime starts turning a bit red. _A bit hard to see in this light, but good enough,_ Nagito noted to himself.  
  
“What you… really think so?” Hajime admits quietly, slightly blushing to himself. In an odd way, Nagito felt it. Just the slightest sensation, but he felt it. Strangely enough, even if he didn’t know quite know what “it” was, anyway.  
  
“Of course!” Nagito gently rested his hand on Hajime’s shoulder, speaking soberly, “I’ll be your personal coach or something. Tell me everything you like about her. Put it all on me, I’ll listen to you, and I’ll give you everything you need. You’re my best friend after all, you know?”

The two of them split for the night, Hajime going home on a slightly lighter note, the smallest smile adorning his face, while Nagito felt the opposite; a sinking realization that he might just be digging his own grave. As Nagito climbed up the stairs to his condo, his thoughts convinced himself anyway.  
  
_“Because I’m his best friend, huh?”_  
  
_“Oh well...”  
  
“It’s not like I have much I want to live for other than those two anyway.”  
  
“I’ll do anything for them.”  
_  
_____

  
Hajime peeked out of his window, frustrated not only at the awful weather, but also his annoying boss who didn’t know when to take a goddamn day off. Despite heavy rain not being common in their city, it’s exactly what was on the weather forecast.  
_“Thanks a lot”,_ he cursed. But regardless, even if he was a pessimist, he wasn’t a full-time grump; he’d just have to make the best of the situation.

Like hell, he did.  
  
Fifteen minutes outside, and he not only watched, but felt the cold rain suddenly downpour from the sky, as if some streak of bad luck just decided to him over with a truck.  
Regardless, it didn’t take more than a minute more to call it quits anyway and dodge work, but his only dilemma was between seeking shelter or running all the way back home. Quick action called for quick thinking, so he decided on going to whoever was nearest: Nagito.  
Not caring to call first, he ran almost shamelessly in the direction of his building, pushing past several people who were also rushing to their destinations.  
Despite being soaked to the bone with his clothes sticking to his skin, pushing the doors open and feeling the warm air felt like a much-needed hug.  
  
Though the timing had been odd, it suddenly occurred to Hajime how long it had been since he’d been hugged.  
How long it had been since he was orphaned. Moreover, he was sure it was the case for Chiaki and Nagito, as they too came from the same orphanage. He forced the thought away, trying not to let his emotions get the best of him in a public lobby full of people, and made his way up to his friend’s floor.

Upon ringing the bell, the all too familiar face with wild tufts of white-cream hair, immediately opened the door.  
  
“Here to confess your love for me already?” Nagito leaned against the door frame, arms crossed with a smile that would look genuine to any outsider, but after knowing him for so long, Hajime knew not to respond to that.  
A sigh left him, letting his eyes shut in exasperation. “Hey. I kind of got caught in the storm on the way to work. Do you mind if I spend some time here?” The question came out of politeness, which surprised even Nagito, who simply stepped aside with a small smile and a simple, “Sure, don’t worry about it.”  
  
Even after all these years, Nagito’s condo never ceased to amaze him.  
The ceiling was at an impressive height, with a window that overviewed the city that scaled the entire wall. The kitchen, living room, and bedroom all had contemporary edge to them. Nagito himself is a bookworm, so it’s no surprise that there are bookshelves lining the walls, but even though everything feels so grand compared to himself, he knew that Nagito wasn’t much of a show-off.  
  
In fact, he’s fairly minimalist and sober compared to anyone else who’s filthy rich. Especially for someone who practically inherited all his family’s wealth after being orphaned.  
  
Before they had much of a chance to talk, Hajime realized he was making a wet mess of himself with water dripping off his clothes, quickly peeling off his jacket before he heard the other’s voice.  
“Hajime, once you take off your shoes, you can find a change of clothes in my room and take a shower in my bathroom.” Hajime raised his head, only to realize that the other had disappeared into the residence.  
  
“Take whatever you want from my closet, just leave my Sharknado socks alone.” Nagito called from inside, leaving Hajime trying to erase that last sentence from his mind entirely.  
“In the meanwhile, I’ll cook soup for you since you’re probably cold.”  
  
Hajime felt himself tense up slightly at that proposal.  
  
“…Haha… Okay, _please_ don’t poison me with your cooking? I love you, and I take back every terrible thing I said about yo—”  
  
“It’s _canned_ soup! Don’t be so mean.” The other whined promptly at the teasing.

  
Hajime disappeared into Nagito’s bedroom trying to find clothes and not the two things he feared; his porn stash and Sharknado “merchandise”. Picking out black sweatpants and a grey shirt didn’t prove to be a problem.  
  
What _was_ a problem, was that one of his fears had been realized.  
  
Right there, sitting in the corner of the third drawer in his chest, was a pair of Sharknado socks. Just as he said. Hajime felt the air knocked out of him, and even after years of knowing the boy, he still had… questionable taste. Sure, it wasn’t a big deal but… “A pair of fucking Sharknado socks that he willingly spent his parents’ hard-earned money on, and probably wears.” Hajime dumbfoundedly whispered to himself. “I can’t believe this kid...”  
  
Padding away from the bedroom as quickly as possible, Hajime cursed his curiosity under his breath, and slipped into the bathroom. He could hear Nagito call out after him in a cheerful but teasing tone, “By the way, if you somehow drown in the bathroom or something then there’s no way I can save you! The bathroom door can’t be opened from the outside once it’s locked. Just try not to do anything stupid.”  
  
Just how much of an idiot does he make him out to be?  
  
Grumbling to himself over how much Nagito enjoys picking on him, Hajime simply stripped and let the hot water run till the perfect temperature, before stepping in and letting it wash over him in a calming wave.

About half an hour passed before Hajime finally emerged from the bathroom, a bit lightheaded from the steam, but relaxed and refreshed nonetheless.  
Nagito stood by counter, taking off his apron, and giving a slight smile as the other wobbled his way to the stool across from him. “Uh… Hajime-kun, is everything okay?”  
Hajime settled onto the leather barstool, shifting his gaze back up to Nagito, a little startled by him using his former title, “Yeah, everything’s fine, why do you ask?”  
  
The other shrugged gently, as he finished tucking everything away and cleaning up, and sat himself down on the stool beside Hajime. Resting his elbow on the counter, he spoke, “Mm… No particular reason, but I was hoping you wouldn’t get sick after being in a storm like that. I was just a little worried since you looked a little dizzy.” A small trace of concern, covered by a smile, washed over him as he studied the boy’s face.  
Though, even that was immediately replaced with a warm feeling, as he noticed the odd strands of damp hair stick out or cling to his forehead. It was unsurprisingly cute. A part of him wanted to reach out and brush them aside, while the other part of him knew he shouldn’t dare to be so indulgent. Nagito forced himself to snap out of his trance, “Anyway! I made food… or at least, I tried to.” He spoke a bit nervously, gesturing Hajime to the bowl that sat in front of him.  
  
A bowl of what Hajime supposed was to be tomato soup, or… a kind of _red soup_ , that sat piping hot before him. He appreciated the sentiment, but couldn’t help being suspicious of the it, knowing Nagito’s “cooking skills”.  
  
“Oh, come on, it’s not poisoned I promise.” Nagito reassured him with his hands raised to surrender, airily laughing albeit almost a little hurt at Hajime’s doubt.    
Noticing his faltering expression, Hajime took a quick sip of the soup, noticing nothing wrong initially, until he realized there was a distinct taste in it. “Did you add a different flavour to it? It tastes a little smoky…?” Hajime suddenly froze in realization.  
  
“Wait you... _burned_ the soup? How the hell do you _burn canned soup_?”  
  
“Huh?” Nagito responded, visibly panicked and confused at his question.

A beat of silence passed as the two of them looked at each other in confusion, until suddenly Hajime burst into a fit of laughter.  
  
Nagito, still confused, was even more surprised at his laughter, then realizing it was supposed to be an insult. Immediately faking offense, he tried to retaliate… but at the same time, he couldn’t.  
  
He couldn’t bring himself to stop the sound that made his chest tighten up. He felt it again, that feeling of adoration, he felt it as he watched his smile and heard the sound of Hajime’s voice. He took in everything at once and locked it away deep inside him.  
Something that only he knew could be so wonderful; the rare laugh of the person he’s hopelessly in love with.  
  
The moment was gone sooner than it came, but Nagito’s heart was still beating too fast for his own liking. As Hajime calmed himself and looked back up at him, a look of concern immediately replaced his smile.  
  
“Hey, your face is red… Are you not feeling well?”  Wait, let me feel your forehead,” As Hajime leaned over with his arm reaching out, Nagito abruptly slapped it away.  
  
The both of them momentarily paused out of shock, but Nagito used it as his chance to leave the scene and get his bearings again. “Sorry, I’m fine I just gotta get some air real quick.”  
He rushed into his bedroom, not once making eye contact with Hajime.  
  
With the door quickly shut behind him, the realization slowly starting sinking in. His mind started to feel a little dizzy, as he let his body rest against the door, hugging his knees to his chest as a way to try and quiet his heart. He always knew it but didn’t understand just how hard its effect would hit him.  
  
After all, Nagito was never one too familiar with emotions, even his own.  
  
Everything he felt was either artificial, or a fleeting feeling, the only exception being his trust and his love for his friends. His love for Hajime, that felt different than the love he feels toward him as a friend. Different in the sense that, there are times when he feels an ache that is so foreign and unfathomable, that he can’t figure out what the cause is.  
  
Why that ache only happens when Hajime talks or blushes about Chiaki, but then why does it all go away when he smiles.  
  
_‘Why, why, why?’_  
  
His breaths felt heavier as Nagito shut his eyes and began to clench at his hair in frustration at not being able to understand himself. Not being able to understand his own human feelings. Not being able to understand what that ache was. Or why he didn’t like it.

He would figure it out soon, but maybe not today.

Once Nagito had calmed himself down, he unsteadily picked himself off the floor. It was unfair to leave the other boy when he was only concerned about him. Maybe he could make up a scenario to explain why his face turned red.  
Only, as he actually left the bedroom, he found all the lights to be off.  
  
Odd, considering that even if Hajime left, he would leave one light on at least.  
  
But all of Nagito’s thoughts escaped him as a pair of arms enveloped him by the waist and pulled him into an embrace. Startled, he immediately tried to squirm, only to be eased by Hajime’s calming voice. “It’s me. Don’t… think I’m weird for this.”  
  
_‘Nonono,’_ Nagito’s mind raced. _‘This is definitely strange.’  
  
_ “What are you doing? Why did you turn off the lights?” Nagito tried not to let his panic be heard, or his racing heart be felt. Hajime stayed silent for a moment, before responding quietly, “I thought it might be embarrassing, so I turned off the lights, so we wouldn’t see our faces. I know it sounds kind of stupid but-- You looked like you were embarrassed by me, so I didn’t want you to feel the same way when I wanted to apologize.”  
  
_‘Apologize…? Embarrassment?’_ It didn’t connect in Nagito’s mind until he recalled what happened earlier. An endearing smile grew on his face, ‘ _What an idiot, he thinks I’m actually embarrassed over him laughing at me.’  
  
_ But the gesture alone made him fall a little deeper.  
  
Hajime rested his chin on Nagito’s shoulder and continued, “Earlier today, it suddenly occurred to me, but I don’t remember the last time I’ve been hugged or held someone like this. I thought that it might be the same for us all… So, even if it’s over a small incident, I hope this makes you feel better in some way.”  
Nagito’s heart felt like it was going to jump out his throat as he heard his words, and tried to no avail to calm it down, despite finding that the faint scent of shampoo drifting from his hair was enticing him a little more. “I think I crossed a line when I was laughing earlier, it was probably insensitive of me to do so considering that I’m no chef either. What I’m… what I’m trying to say is that, no matter the teasing, I care about you a lot. I know you care about me too. And…  I’m sorry.”  
   
In that moment, Nagito felt a burning feeling within him.  
  
He didn’t know it was possible to love someone so much.  
To him, Hajime had always been an idiot of his own grade, but it was all the little things he did, the things he said, the way he looks, cares, touches, laughs, feels, thinks. The way he’s been by his side, his comfort since childhood. Every flaw and imperfection. He loved all of him. And it was that fact that was ruining him.  
  
Nagito let himself hold Hajime just a little tighter, gripping his clothes just enough not to hurt him, just enough not to let him feel his heart, and burrowing his face into his neck ever so slightly.  
Somehow, he found not only comfort, but something like sorrow as well.  
  
“If you… keep doing that then I… I won’t be able to control myself, Hajime.”  
His voice sounded like a strained whisper. “Don’t do this to me. I can’t be…” _in love with you,_ he finished in his head, swallowing the small lump in his throat.  
_  
_ Hajime stiffened slightly, “You can’t be… what? What’s wrong?”  
He suddenly pulled away from Nagito to flick on the light switch for the living room behind him. As startlingly bright as it was, Nagito barely flinched, keeping his eyes away from Hajime’s, knowing full well that he wouldn’t be able to hold his feelings together if they made eye contact.  
“I accept your apology, I swear. I’m just not feeling too well today.” Nagito gave him his usual smile, raising his hands as reassurance. It might be best to leave things as they are before feelings are hurt. Though, he knew full well he couldn’t ask him to leave while the weather was still terrible, taking a glance out the window just to double-check. “If it isn’t too much, I’d just like to call it an early night. I already had my dinner, so you can finish your soup and head into the guest bedroom. Everything was already set up while you were in the shower, so if you need anything, just help yourself” He finished with a small smile.  
  
“Ah…” Hajime trailed off in uncertainty, eyebrows furrowing a little in hesitance, “Sure, I don’t mind going to bed early. Get some sleep if you’re unwell and… let me know if you need anything.” He offered, with a small smile gently patting Nagito’s shoulder, unknowingly making the tips of his ears redder.  
“Goodnight, then.”  
  
Nagito watched Hajime disappear into the dark room at the other end of the condo. There was both a sense of relief and regret at having to push him away, but he knew that he couldn’t put his personal feelings first, without thinking of Hajime.  
It’d have to do. This is all he would have to salvage.  
  
_____

Hours into the night, Nagito didn’t know when he subconsciously found himself tossing and turning; remembering the feeling of Hajime’s body pressed against his own sent him into a shock, but it also made his heart go faster, it made his breathing heavier. He remembered him, everything that made him the person he loved, the person he ached for… craved.  
  
He felt an energy in him, that made him unsatiated and left him wanting more than what really happened.  
  
He found his hand trailing down his body, lower and lower, both willingly and unwillingly, finishing what he started yet another time.  
As he slowly stroked, moving his hand up and down to ease the burning lustful sensation within him, the desire to touch, kiss, feel, and know every inch of Hajime. His breathing picking up yet again, and slowly, his sounds. The air started to feel heavier, Nagito’s mouth went dry as he felt himself throbbing in his hand; trying to contain his mind proved to be a task of its own.  
He wanted to know, what Hajime sounded like when he was like this, what makes him feel that way, what turns him on. What expression does he make in the dark like this? Heat permeated Nagito’s body, and with every motion, his lust grew louder and bolder.  
Before realizing it, Nagito started to moan, with Hajime’s name, and his muffled declaration of love unwillingly escaping his lips, and suddenly overcome with the slightest sense of reality, he bit into his hand to stifle the sounds. It felt like an eternity before the rush of climax hit him, and that sudden jerk of relief flushed over him.  
  
His eyes were open, staring up at a darkened ceiling. It took several minutes, maybe more, to calm his breathing and his heart, and especially to come to terms with what had happened.  
  
He blinked, almost motionless, feeling sweaty and wet.  
Feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt almost consume him.  
There were probably a hundred thoughts crossing his mind, wondering if Hajime would hate him, discard him from his life, if he knew the truth. Would he be disgusted, or would he just brush it off? It hurt to think about either way, but in a strange and twisted sense, he didn’t mind not having his feelings reciprocated. His harmless flirting was enough, so long as the other never took him seriously.  
  
Yeah… it was fine like this. It was more than he deserved.  
  
As he lay there, he convinced himself of it over and over, he convinced himself that no matter how much it hurt, he wouldn’t let this get between his plans to unite Hajime and Chiaki. He couldn’t afford to be selfish, because his friends’ trust and love were too great of a cost.

______  
  
Morning came by, and with that, a start to a new day. If Nagito hadn’t felt so guilty about the night before, he would feel better about the change in weather. Much to his surprise, Hajime was the first one to wake up, legs tucked up on the couch and lost in his phone. Though a bit better at controlling his feelings, Nagito hesitated, but mustered up the confidence to be the one to greet him, “Well, well, looks like you beat me to the punch, Hajime.” He smiled slyly at his friend, already comfortable on the loveseat.  
Hajime, slightly startled, looked up from his phone screen at Nagito, “W-what, was there supposed to be a competition?”  
“No, not at all. I just found it funny that you woke up so early, especially considering that you like sleeping in so much.”  
  
Hajime scoffed bitterly to himself, “Yeah, well, that’s what I gotta sacrifice to get to work on time and make money.” He replied, unfolding his legs from atop the couch and stretching them out instead. “Unfortunately, I wasn’t born into wealth…”  
“Well, if we ever get married, then you wouldn’t have to work another day in your life! Take this chance. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, you know!” Nagito plopped himself beside Hajime, giving him a small wink, while the latter continued to look at him in an unamused expression.  
  
Hajime knew that it was just some more mindless flirting to piss him off, and simply turned his attention back to his phone, “Tempting, but no thank you. Next thing I know, you’ll ask me to do kiss you awake every morning.”  
  
Nagito momentarily sputtered at his last sentence, reddening with the thought fleeting through his mind, finding himself barely mumbling, “Ac... tually, I wouldn’t… mind that at all—"  
  
“Did you say something?”  
  
“ _No_.”  
  
Momentarily confused, and with his attention back on Nagito, Hajime deterred from the previous conversation, and went onto a lighthearted exchange with him instead. As usual, the two of them never failed to keep each other entertained with different topics.  
However, while throughout he was entirely composed with a smile on his face, Nagito felt that nagging feeling in the back of his head, telling him how badly he would want that scenario to be true.  
  
The morning hours passed as the two of them chatted over bowls of sweetened cereal and orange juice, and as the sun slowly climbed across the sky toward noon, Hajime gave his thanks and left for another aching day at work.  
  
Once again alone and unsure of what to do with his day, with no job, chores to do, or new books of interest to read, Nagito finally found himself beelining for Chiaki’s house.  
  
The walk there was sweet and easy, enjoying the pleasant weather after yesterday’s messy storm. Tree leaves seemed to glisten with persistent raindrops, however, along with the many puddles that refused to dry up even under the sun’s beaming heat. Nagito finally found himself climbing the front steps of Chiaki’s house, and upon reaching for the door, he’d barely grazed the knob before it swung open before him.  
Chiaki stood there in her usual attire of muted pink and navy blue, looking rather proud of herself, with Nagito looking equally surprised.  
“I had a feeling you would come over. Gotta love gut instincts.” She turned away, walking down the hallway to the stairs. Nagito, feeling somewhat defeated by her intuition, practically crawled through the door with a heavy sigh and sad smile. “So much for the door-answering world records…”  
  
The two of them settled on the floor cushions neatly arranged around the table in Chiaki’s bedroom. Nagito always found a peaceful and warm ambience about it, even if there were enough wires and tech-shit to wrestle a bear. No matter how many times he scolded her about the wires being a safety hazard, Chiaki never really was one for being organized.  
  
Such as today.  
  
Noticing him eyeing the wires once again, Chiaki interrupted him before he could even begin, “Yes, I have eyes. I see the bundle of wires. I promise I’ll tuck them away with tape today, just pleeeeaaase don’t scold me over safety for 3 hours again?” She gave him a weak smile, practically begging him with puppy eyes... Or rather, kitten eyes, given her cat-like demeanor.  
  
How could he refuse?  
He gave into it, giving her short hair a messy ruffle just to tease, “Yeah, yeah, suddenly Little Nanami is all responsible. I’ll buy it just for today.” He smiled. As usual, her response had significant lag before her eyes widened with another pout, realizing that he was picking on her.   
  
“Hey, it’s not like you’re one to talk, Mr. My-meds-are-bitter. I’d say that the only one really responsible would be Hajime.” Chiaki retorted with a puffed-cheek.

Nagito’s only response to that was a burst of laughter, “ _Hajime Hinata?_ Responsible? I assure you, all three of us are equally a mess in our own ways.”  
Chiaki hesitated, before finally replying, “Yeah well, at least he knows how to take care of himself. Especially you. He was the one who kept you in check after all.”  
  
He didn’t really have a smart remark to that, she was right after all.  
With his back pressed against the wall, touching shoulders with Chiaki, his thoughts wandered about the things that Hajime did for him, every day. The little things, that all added up more and more to his feelings of endearment. Not only that of romance, but his deep love for him as a friend. Chiaki was no different; he had a deep love for her as well, and a bond of trust that connected the three of them.  
At the end of the day, they were all that they had.  
  
But Nagito was broken out of his trance yet again by Chiaki’s voice, “Oi, you don’t have to get so serious about what I said you know?” Her lips curving into a small smile.   
“Oh? I wasn’t serious about it at all!” Nagito brought his own sly smile, “I was just thinking about how big of a crush you have on Hajime to cover up for him like that.” All with a playful nudge to her side.  
  
Chiaki, while usually a quiet girl, was uncharacteristically silent for while. It took a moment before she finally replied in a confused voice, “Crush…? What do you mean?”  
“A crush on Hajime, of course. Were you listening to what I was saying?” He narrowed his eyes at her, half-serious and half-joking but trying to sneak around her dazed poker face nonetheless.  
  
“No, no. I know what you said,” Chiaki sighed while furrowing her eyebrows, running a hand through her hair as she spoke, “I’m asking why you ever assumed that I had feelings for anyone?”  
  
Nagito pressed his lips together, trying to think of something to say. Everything came out null for some reason.  
  
But in the back of his mind there was a panic that Hajime’s feelings may not be reciprocated by Chiaki. That maybe, if what Chiaki is saying is true, then it’s… a one-sided attraction? In the deeper, selfish part of his mind that he suppressed, he unfortunately felt a flicker of relief.  
  
Chiaki continued in spite of his silence, “You two are like a family to me. My only family. In a strange way, I couldn’t find myself romantically attached to either of you. If the circumstances were different, like if we met as classmates, there would be a possibility.” A calm smile came back to her face as she continued to speak, “But you two are too important to me for me to leave up romantic feelings. I’m just not ready to be in a relationship like that with anyone right now, really. I mean, that’s what I personally feel and see it as.” She momentarily paused, “Even though this is all what I personally see it as, there’s no problem if you two see things differently than I do.”  
  
Feeling his back stiffening, Nagito slowly replied, “Hajime, I have no guarantees to what he’s thinking or feeling for that matter, but… what did you mean by “you two”?” Despite laughing lightheartedly albeit a little nervously, he couldn’t stop the nagging feeling in his head that Chiaki _knew_ something--     
  
“Well… You _are_ in love with Hajime, aren’t you?”  
  
Nagito froze like a deer in headlights.  
Every fiber in his body told him to panic, but to no avail, he did nothing but sit there as if he were a feverish, unblinking, mute. Feeling his throat close up on its own, he tried to get himself to say something, anything, to deny it, but all he could stutter was, “Me? With? H-how? Did you know?”  
  
_‘Nice job, idiot.’_ Nagito winced at his own words, and silently cursed himself.  
  
Chiaki didn’t say anything, just bearing an all-knowing, but genuinely kind smile toward him.  
“You think I wouldn’t know my best friend? I can tell, you fool.” Her hand reached up to Nagito’s cheek, pinching it lightly to make him smile a little. “You act as if you’re a rock incapable of emotions, so you put on a strong face and hope that your flirting tactics will come off as a joke. You’re too easy too read sometimes.” She momentarily paused, a sly grin coming on her face, “I hope you know that I noticed the way you look at him, how you hold on to his hand just a bit too long. You’re just lucky you’re in love with an idiot who is too dense to get it.”  
  
The two of them fell into a comfortable, thoughtful silence. Nagito’s heart still beat wildly from Chiaki’s words, but in a way, he was happy she was by his side. He was happy that she understood him.  
Out of a nostalgic childhood impulse, Chiaki gently rested her head on his right shoulder as they always did, speaking quieter than before, “That one… he’s also easy to read. I know he has feelings for me, but… I can’t accept them. You understand, right?”  
  
She slowly grew silent, with Nagito also being unable to speak or move in the atmosphere that had settled.   
  
“It’s okay, I know it’ll hurt him if I reject him, but he has to let go of me for his own good… and I need you to help me with that, Nagito.”    
  
_______

 

Everything hurt; it felt hard to breathe.  
The all-consuming fire and smoke creeped around every inch of space, every bit of his lungs ached and burned with each struggling breath.  
  
_“Am I going to die here?”_ was Nagito’s only thought.  
  
The doors were locked, with the flames trapped within, licking at him and whatever else it could catch. He felt his sides burning from the heat, but they were nothing compared to the despair he felt. What he did, what he didn’t do, what he should have done, all those feelings ran wildly through his mind. He wondered where his parents went, or why they hadn’t saved him yet. Not once, however, did it occur to them that it was their trap to kill their own son. Rather, he couldn’t fathom the thought that his parents could be so cruel.  
  
It felt endless; he writhed in pain as his clothes continued to be scorched by the flames, and his mind drifting in and out of consciousness. He was wondering how he wasn’t dead yet, or why he continued to fight. Why did his mouth move on its own to scream for help? Every fiber of his body begged him to give up.

Admittedly, he would have, as he was only human after all. But the muffled voices he heard outside gave him all the strength he needed. The sound of glass shattering resounded, and the voices started becoming clearer. Nagito could faintly make out the voices of children, just like him. Slowly, but surely, with each splash of water, the flames began to die out. The smoke began to thicken, and dissipate, leaking out the cracks and seams of the car he had been trapped in. Nagito felt blood rushing up his throat as he coughed violently, all while hearing the panicked voices outside work desperately to save him.  
  
In a few short moments, the backseat passenger door was pried open with a crowbar, falling apart at the hinges. The children jumped out of surprise, but as their eyes fell on the frail young boy almost lifelessly curled up on the floor, they immediately pulled him out.  
  
“Chiaki! Go get a blanket and call the nanny here. I think he’s almost dead…” The boy’s voice beckoned to the girl behind him.  
Nagito’s eyes fell on him weakly, as his vision blurred, but he could make out certain features. Brown spiky hair, large green eyes, and a young face that looked… concerned.  
_‘For who? Me?’_ He thought it was ridiculous for a stranger to be so concerned for someone like him.  
  
Their eyes met, and just for a moment looked lost in his own, but Nagito watched his mouth form the words, “I’ll save you. We’ll both save you, and you’ll be okay… You’ll live, won’t you?”  
   
The stranger smiled at him before he suddenly realized that he could breathe. That the warm air filling his lungs wasn’t smoke from the fire, though the taste lingered in his mouth. He couldn’t believe he was still alive, all because of these two strangers that saved him.  
While he still didn’t understand how or why they could go so far for someone they didn’t know, but what he did know, was that he would never forget them or their kindness.  
  
He promised himself, that he owed them his life, that he would repay them by any means necessary.

____________

 _“…gito.”  
  
“N….”  
  
“Nagito!” _ Chiaki yelled, ultimately causing Nagito to practically jolt awake.  
Chiaki stared down at him with squinting, annoyed eyes, “You fell asleep on my lap while I was on my phone playing a few rounds of BanG Dream. I don’t particularly mind… but my legs went numb.” She paused, sighing as she watched Nagito trying to register himself back into reality. “Now please get off, I’m out of live boosts, so I gotta clean.” She asked, as she proceeded to move his head off her lap anyway with a single, gentle push that landed his head with a hard thump on her hardwood floor. She picked herself up, whispering a small but probably empty apology as she scurried out of the room.  
Nagito winced and groaned slightly from the pain.  
  
His mind felt foggy, almost like the sensation carried over from his dream. Or rather, he wished it was only a dream. Nothing about that was imaginary; not the burning sensation, nor the reality that Chiaki and Hajime had become the center of his life after that fateful day.  
But with all good things came bad things, as the scars and burn marks that ran down the side of his thighs and left arm would attest to. Not to mention, his health complications and sickly constitution. But if that was the price he had to pay for his two best friends, and freedom from his previous hellish life, then he didn’t mind in the slightest.  
  
After a little while of collecting himself from his thoughts, and cracking down on their plan, Nagito decided on finally packing up and heading back home. Nagito climbed down the stairs, finding Chiaki in the living room and giving her a quick hug, while slightly startling her.  
  
The two of them exchanged brief goodbyes, before Nagito flashed a tiny smile over his shoulder and scurrying out the front door. Sunset was falling on the horizon, so there really was no time to waste.  
  
He’d simply it all out act tonight, before he could have second thoughts, just as Chiaki had asked of him.    
  
_____  
  
As Nagito found his way back to his condo, he noticed a familiar face already waiting at the door for him. “Hey!” Hajime gave him a small smile as Nagito reciprocated it and walked up to the door, house keys in hand. “I thought that I might as well head over to your place if we’re going to Chiaki’s later tonight.”  
“Mm… Sure! I don’t have a problem. A quick change of plans though, we’re hitting the liquor store before we get there.” He looked over his shoulder with a mischievous grin to Hajime, who stood there with a confused expression.

“Uh… what?”  
  
“You heard me. Liquor store. Today.”  
  
“…I thought you couldn’t drink because of your liver problems? I’ll kick your ass if that’s what you were planning.”  
Nagito deviously narrowed his eyes back at Hajime with a slight deceiving smile, “No, you fool, it’s for you. You’re gonna need to pack in some courage tonight and put away your nerves.” Nagito paused to put away his belongings before continuing, “You’re confessing to Chiaki tonight.”  
  
Hajime looked baffled, wide-eyed and staring back at his friend who only smiled at him in a scarily nonchalant manner.  
  
“You’re kidding me, right?”  
  
“What…? If you think you can do it without easing up a little, then we can skip out on the alcohol. I’d rather you not drink that crap anyway.” Nagito spoke casually, no longer making eye contact as he rolled up his sleeves to start cleaning the dishes that piled in his sink.  
Hajime didn’t care, leaning over the counter across from him, almost demanding his attention. “The hell do you think you’re saying?!” His voice came out as an angry whisper, as if Chiaki would hear them talking from several kilometers away, “You know how badly it’ll end, don’t you? Besides…” Hajime hesitated, drawing his eyes away from Nagito, “I’m not ready yet…”  
  
Hajime’s words trailed off, going from intimidating to shy in a matter of seconds. Nagito requested his mind to shut up and not think about the implications.     
  
Nagito sighed heavily, a little too heavy. He knew he would be playing with fire with his proposition, but the sooner he could help Chiaki to get Hajime out of his unrequited feelings so that he didn’t hurt himself, the better it would be for them. But without another thought, it escaped him anyway, “Look, I’ll help you practice. Meet me at that new bridge at 8pm tonight, okay?”  
  
Before Hajime had a chance to argue back about the stupidity of his idea, Nagito pressed a hand to his mouth. “Nope! I won’t listen to anything you have to say. We’re practicing tonight, just the two of us. It’ll help you, I promise.”  
_  
“And I guess that’s that”_ , Hajime could only think in his obvious defeat.  
He sat down in the bar stool, resting his head onto the cool granite countertop and closing his eyes. Trapped in a situation that he just knew wouldn’t end well, but being stuck with a fool for a best friend only made matters worse.  
  
_________

  
After wrapping up her computer work, Chiaki quickly packed up her belongings and hastily made way for the door. Her client gave her far too much trouble for what was simply a coding glitch.  
But work is work, at the end of the day.  
  
As much as she loved video games, she knew she probably wasn’t meant for development work after all. Especially not if she kept falling asleep on the job.  
Chiaki called behind her, telling her almost-clingy client that she was leaving, pulling the front door to a close before they could say another word.  
“God, that was… awful.” A breath of exhaustion had almost escaped her, barely stopping herself when she heard familiar voices nearby.  
  
A few steps around the corner of the house, Chiaki spotted Hajime and Nagito side by side on the bridge by the pond. Curious, she crouched down by the wall bush to observe them, trying to listen in on their conversation.  
  
Hajime cleared his throat, folding his left leg to face Nagito a little better, while the latter looked at him with rapt attention. “Okay _tsun-tsun hair_ , give it your best shot. Get it all out of you.”  
He glared with annoyance, “Quit calling me that, or I really will leave.” Hajime let out a groan of frustration, while Nagito laughed, playfully messing up Hajime’s hair just to screw with him, “It’s true though, you’re act like you’re such a tough guy but you’re the biggest baby when it comes to stuff like emotions.”  
  
_‘You’re one hell of a guy to talk, Nagito…’_ Chiaki thought to herself, observing the two of them with a sheepish but curious look on her face. The plan seemed to be going well enough in her eyes.

Hajime said nothing and pressed his lips together stubbornly, eyebrows furrowed together and looking away.  
_“It’s been a while since I saw that expression… I thought he would’ve grown out of it… Still, adorable.”_ Nagito said to himself, a grin appearing on his face.  
  
Perhaps it was because of a tug at his own heart at seeing Hajime’s face, or maybe it was the dusk light scattered over them that made him emotional, but as his eyes fell on his lips, he was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to kiss him.  
Almost finding himself gravitating a little closer to him. The thought was gone sooner than it came however; or Nagito forcibly willed it away, at least. But the butterflies refused to leave him.    
  
Even from a distance, Chiaki picked up on Nagito’s blush and the fond look on his face.  
A small smile dawned on her, and a node of empathy crossed her heart for him. In her mind, she wished them good luck.  
Deciding that she should probably get going to let the two of them work things out on their own, Chiaki picked herself up from the ground, taking the long way home to avoid being seen by them.   
  
“Hey? …Is there something on my face?” Hajime blinked, breaking his expression, and the silence that had settled without him noticing.  
 Nagito had the sinking realization that he had been staring at Hajime’s face for an ungodly amount of time.  
“Shit.” He whispered quietly, and immediately correcting himself, “I mean, no! No, there’s nothing on your face. I mean, there was just a fly roaming around and…” Nagito decided to shut up before embarrassing himself any further.  
  
After Hajime downed a couple of the beers they bought, their “practice” went on a half hour longer than expected as night started to fall.  
  
Nagito took the time to correct what was needed, and Hajime diligently took in his critique; fixing his posture and voice when told, changing around words when necessary, and most of all, talking about what it was that he liked about Chiaki. He talked about how he admired her passion, how she’s cute, how she’s always been there for him. He went on and on, blushing furiously, probably amplified from the alcohol and his own emotions. Nagito wasn’t sure which one had the stronger hold over Hajime, but he did know that all this talk about his feelings for Chiaki made _that_ ache come back to haunt him.

Still, he wouldn’t back down, because he was determined to help them through it, after all.  
  
Nagito cleared his throat, “All right, last time, from the top! Just be natural, this time. Since… well, this isn’t exactly scripted.”  
Positioning himself a little better, he watched Hajime, a bit tipsy and on the verge of drunk despite only having a few beers. _A feather-light drinker_ , as Nagito called him. Hajime hesitated, but slowly started anyway, “Chiaki, I have to te-ell you something—” Hajime caught himself hiccupping mid-sentence, his hands slapping his mouth shut in shame. Surprisingly, Nagito remained expressionless and non-ridiculing, pressing him to continue.  
“Okay, uhm. I have always cared for you as one of my best friends, and while I’ve never been good at expressing my emotions, there’s been a lot of things I’ve been mea-aning to tell you. I want to thank you, for always being there for me. Right from ou-ur orphanage days till now, you’ve always been supportive and understanding of me. Everything about me. Maybe I’ve never bee-en able to show it properly, but I have to confess that I have feelings… for you. I really like you.”  
As Hajime’s practice confession ended, the two of them remained silent for what seemed like ages. His anxiety grew, but he wondered why Nagito looked lost in thought for way longer than he needed to be.  
  
Out of nowhere, another obnoxiously loud hiccup resounded from Hajime, making them both jolt in surprise.  
  
And in an instant, the tense atmosphere fell apart, and Nagito finally found himself bursting out laughing, practically in tears, just as Hajime feared he would.  
  
“ _OKAY!”_ Hajime yelled out over his friend’s condescending laughter, “ _Fine! I get it!_ I can’t do it! I’ll probably hiccup and fuck up everything during the real thing too…” Hajime was exasperated, words slurring just slightly over the influence of alcohol. He folded his arms, turning away from Nagito out of frustration.  
  
Calming down from his fit, Nagito wiped his eye and tried to console him, “Oh come on, I was only kidding. It’s _adorable!_ ” The boy realized however, meaning that remark as a joke was one thing, but feeling his heart race just looking at Hajime’s expression is a whole different story.  
  
Even so, bit by bit, Nagito’s emotions about him started to feel a little… unbearable.  
   
“You’ll be fine. Even if she doesn’t accept your feelings, we’ll still all be best friends. That’s my guarantee.” He tried to give Hajime a comforting, and almost apologetic smile, knowing how it’ll end, but also knowing that he would stay by his side no matter what.  
   
_‘Things would turn out alright.’_    
  
Yet, Hajime stayed silent.  
  
“Y’know,” His voice became an airy, empty laugh, “It’d be pretty sad if she rejected me just because I fucked up my confession. Not to mention, it’s likely to happen considering I _am_ a fuck up.” Hajime’s tone changed at his last sentence, implying a grimmer picture behind those words. His eyes drifted away, his expression carried a sense of… grief?  
“I know it’s not worth getting riled up over something like this, but… it’s not _just_ this.”  
  
Nagito’s breath caught a little in his throat as he watched Hajime, noticing his arms quiver a little as they supported his frame. “It’s frustrating that I can’t get the simplest things right. I really can’t stand that about myself. That… not only am I talentless, but I also manage to mess up the smallest or simplest of things… things that wouldn’t be a problem worth hesitating over for others.”  
Hajime struggled to say his words, “I can’t do it… but… why can’t I?”    
  
Nagito felt his chest ache even worse hearing him talk about himself like this. It may just have been his drunken state making him emotional, but he knew Hajime suffered from a low self-esteem ever since childhood. Yet he could never bring himself to agree with a single word.  
  
There was so much he could say that could counter everything bad thing that he said of himself.  
  
A bit of silence passed between them, as they heard the quiet rush of water, the crickets chirping nearby, and watched the waning moonlight gain luminescence through the twilight.  
  
_‘Would it be alright to take a chance…?’  
_  
“Hajime…” Nagito subconsciously reached for his hand, gently resting his own on top of it. Sometimes it was hard to find the right words without being blunt, but somehow the words he wanted to say came as naturally as breathing for him.  
  
“There’s a lot about you that’s redeeming even if you think of yourself like that. I think it’s the little things that I like about you, an ordinary person, that manages to stand out in a crowd… At least, to me they do.” Nagito paused, trying to get his thoughts together, “The day we met, when you saved me, not once did I think about how you were supposedly untalented or a fuck up. It was your hard-working nature and kindness that I saw, and because I met you two, I learned how it was like to have emotions. You tried to understand me, and be there for me, even if I wasn’t the most sociable out there. I couldn’t care less about what your parents called you, because I can’t say it’s a fact. You shouldn’t care either, quite honestly speaking.”  
His chest felt a bit tighter with every word, but even if it was difficult, he pushed himself to look at Hajime at least, to look into his eyes just a little longer. “I don’t care about what they thought of you, or the idea that you think yourself to be worthless. You’ll always be someone irreplaceable to me… to us.”  
  
Hajime was a little stunned. He didn’t expect Nagito to say… so much about him. In all honesty, it made him feel a little warm inside. But it also made him remember things that he would rather leave in the past for his own sanity. Before he could say anything, Nagito continued.  
  
“Oh, but you are a bit of a fuck up though.” Nagito’s face beamed in his usual smile, and if Hajime was a little brighter, he would’ve noticed his look of endearment. “I mean, you’re kind of a loser, a little dense, overall a really big moron.”  
Hajime’s face twitched in irritation immediately, “I knew you’d say that kinda thing sooner or later, you—”  
  
Before he had a chance to finish, he found Nagito’s hand covering his mouth gently. And in a fleeting moment, his lips were pressed against the back of his hand, where his own lips would have been.  
  
“But… I like that about you, too.” Nagito’s eyes and voice softened, laced with the slightest hint of his love for him, as he pulled away from Hajime’s face.  
  
“Wait… you—?”  
  
Hajime pulled back with wide eyes, slightly breathless, not being able to connect the lines together in time. Not giving him a chance to, Nagito picked himself up from the edge of the bridge, quickly collecting himself and trying to steady his heartbeat.  
  
His eyes couldn’t linger on Hajime long enough to take in the light blush and confusion on his face. He wasn’t one to talk though, possibly with a flushed face of his own.  
  
“Anyway, I’m going to head over to Chiaki’s! Make sure you’re not late!”  
  
______

 

Nagito knocked, or rather, slammed on Chiaki’s door as fast as he could. Not even waiting for a response, he let himself in when he realized that the door was open.  
An unsuspecting Chiaki jumped in surprise at the sight of him breathless and anxious in the doorway,  
  
“Woah, wait a second, I thought I locked the d—”  
  
“I… _kissed_ him.” Nagito’s voice was uncharacteristically panicked, almost cracking as he ran his hands through his tufts of hair and clenched. “I-I mean, not really? I put my hand over his mouth, so it was indirect, but I knew that he got the implication of it… If I kissed him for real, I might just lose my mind.”  
  
A beat of silence passed before Chiaki’s face relaxed from her worried expression, and instead let out a small chuckle.  
  
“You say that as if I’ll be surprised. I _saw_ you looking all lovey-dovey at him, pal.” She said, turning her attention back to her takeout being warmed up in the microwave. Instead of Chiaki, it was Nagito’s turn to be in disbelief, “You… what? When did you? —”  
Chiaki interrupted him before he could finish, “I was at a client’s house to help them with a game code error they had come across. Some troubleshooting business, I mean. Strange, because usually you would just email someone about that kind of stuff.” Her face looked a little troubled as she continued to carefully watch the plastic container rotate inside, “They were kind of annoying, but I digress, –After leaving, I caught sight of you two lovebirds on the bridge, and I listened in for a few minutes.” She hummed softly.  
    
Even in the low light, I could see the look on your face.” Chiaki paused, chancing a look back at Nagito, “You’re really deep in love with him, aren’t you?”  
  
Nagito found the knot in his throat hard to swallow.  
  
It’s undeniable that it was the truth, but it couldn’t take away from what he feared.  
“I… yeah, I am. But I am terrified… I’m terrified that he’ll hate me after that.” It started to feel harder to breathe, his thoughts becoming a muddled mess as the words kept spilling out of his mouth, “I didn’t know what it was since I’m still not used to understanding myself, but I realized that this is the first time I’ve felt this kind of fear… the fear of losing someone because I was reckless with my feelings.”  
  
Chiaki listened to Nagito talk, going over everything that happened in those few hours, about Hajime talking about Chiaki, about himself, about his flaws. How Nagito calmed him down, told him about the things he loved about him, accidentally letting his affections take him too far.  
  
She listened, coaxing him throughout and letting him get his nerves settled with some oolong tea she’d prepared for him in the meanwhile. Her eyebrows creased lightly, a look of distress plastered over her as she heard the boy speak. Even if she knew everything would turn out okay, it was easier said than done when it came to consolation for Nagito.  
“Listen, I know today has been a bit rough for you… I think it’d be best if you avoid seeing him for the rest of the night. When he gets here, I’ll let you sneak out the back, and whatever happens tomorrow, we’ll figure out.”  
She then spoke quietly, enveloping a warm and affectionate hand over his, “I don’t want to see you hurting anymore.”  
  
With that, Chiaki leaned forward to wrap him in a hug that felt warm and comforting in every sense.  
She really did have that soothing charm about her; like the one stuffed toy that a child would grow attached to, because it helped get rid of the nightmares and demons trying to hurt them in their dreams.  
  
__________

 

Nagito climbed into bed, chest heaving from his own unsettling heartbeat as he thought about the things he said, the things he did. A blush and burning feeling creeped up his face and buzzed throughout his chest.  
He meant every word of it, because he wanted to be there for Hajime as he faced a difficult moment between his and Chiaki’s friendship. He cursed himself for letting his foolish emotions come in between, even though his mind told him to at least let him know.  
  
It was idiotic.  
  
It was careless.  
It was selfish.  
  
His palms rubbed at his eyelids in frustration, knowing that right now he should be with Hajime, comforting him, but instead he let himself wallow in misery.  
  
It was maybe an hour, two hours, before Nagito heard his doorbell chime.  
  
It startled him, rushing him back to reality.  
In his state of blurry confusion, he dragged himself to the door, and upon answering it and finding a familiar face before him, he found himself frozen in place. “H-Hajime…?”  
An uneasiness coursed through his body as he watched Hajime’s messy and drunken self practically drag himself through the entrance.  
  
That too, tripping over his own feet, Nagito caught him before he made the fall, a nervous laugh escaping him. “Alright there, hero. I see you’ve downed even more bottles, though I might scold you for doing so, you’re definitely not in any shape to get home.” As he pulled his friend’s arm over his shoulder, he continued, “The guest room is a mess, so you take my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.”  
Nagito carried his unsteady frame to his room, letting him go on the bed to sit beside him, letting his arm linger on his shoulder a little longer than needed. Finally positioning him comfortably, he unwrapped his arm from him, “Alright, now we—”  
  
Hajime wobbled, falling onto Nagito’s chest; his hand finding the back of his neck to pull him a little closer. Resting his forehead on his neck, he started to mumble. Hesitating, and a little conscious of the space between them, he wondered if Hajime was trying to say something.  
  
“She… rejected me.”  
  
His voice sounded tired, but oddly and thankfully enough, not in pain.  
   
Drunken with his words slurred, he continued, “But! That’s okay. You guys are my best friends, no matter what. That’ll never change, nope, nah.” Nagito’s heart lifted a little at those words, with relief crossing his mind. Hajime wasn’t finished talking however, “But… “  
  
His head tilted just enough, so where his head once rested, he brushed his lips against the curve of his neck. Nagito felt heat rush through him, suddenly realizing what happened, and panicked.  
  
“W-wait, what are you—!" Again, Hajime fell deeper into him, reaching for his hands at his side, pressing his lips to the bottom of his jawline, a small sound escaping through Nagito’s clenched teeth against his own will as he was wrapped in Hajime’s body heat.   
He couldn’t take it, his heart was going out of control, his mind was growing dizzy. If this was a dream, then he didn’t know what to make of it.  
  
“I think I… Will you… would you let me? Would you let me do it?”  
Nagito heard Hajime’s voice, and felt his breath across his neck. Goosebumps lined his skin, and with a shiver running through him, he realized that… maybe he was hurting. No, he really was hurting. The reason why he came here, was because he needed that comfort.  
And as always, no matter what it was, Nagito wanted to be there for him and be the one to provide it.  
  
“Yeah…” He said quietly, without looking at him, “Do what you want if it helps you feel better.”  
  
_____  
  
Time passed as they found their bodies grew hotter with every passing minute.  
They didn’t realize when or how Hajime ended up on top of him, or when they’d started to move against each other.  
Nagito forced his hands to stay by his side, as to not touch the other, as Hajime kissed him hard by his neck, his collarbone, his chest. The sound of breathing grew louder as Hajime started to feel him up, slowly moving against him, as they started to reveal a little more of each other.  
Yet, everything felt like it was going too fast for Nagito’s liking. He told himself over and over that it was fine like this. It was fine if Hajime was just using him for tonight. It was fine if he didn’t touch him because he didn’t want to take advantage of him like this.  
  
If he could be a tool for his happiness or relief, to be given some purpose in life other than wasting away a life he didn’t deserve himself, then he didn’t mind.  
  
Even so, it was odd that his mind begged to differ; it didn’t feel real. It didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel fair.  
If anything, it felt like every fiber of his body was aching, and he didn’t understand why.  
  
Their heavy breathing was almost in sync, and his feelings were contradictory; it felt unnatural, but it was scarily real. He wanted this so bad, but at the same time this wasn’t at all what he wanted. He wanted his name to be the one Hajime moaned, the one he yearned for. But he was almost silent throughout, uttering Chiaki’s name only a single time, but that single time was enough to understand that he wasn’t looking at him at all.  
  
Nagito felt heated as he watched Hajime’s free hand run down his body, reaching for the zipper of his pants. Feeling a shiver run through him, he thought about how similar this heat felt to the fire, where in place of fearsome flames licking and burning at his skin, it was the touch, the kisses of the person he loved, who didn’t love him back the same way. He watched him, his own heartbeat too loud in his ears to hear their breathing anymore.  
He didn’t know how much of a mess he looked like, stiff and with his shirt barely on his body, but he caught himself in a trap where his eyes locked with Hajime’s, who hovered above him for far too long.  
  
It felt like they stopped momentarily, like they were trying to read each other, unable to guiltily indulge in each other.  
But before he knew it, he felt his heart stop as he watched Hajime’s face growing closer to his own.  
_“Is he… trying to kiss me?”  
  
_ He felt something in him break.  
  
“Wait.”  
  
Nagito’s hand pressed against Hajime’s mouth once again, this time stopping him.  
  
“You… can’t do this to me. You can’t… kiss me there.” Nagito spoke in between his gentle panting, slowly regaining himself with a voice that was seemingly pained, “If you did that without really meaning it, it’d only be cruel to me.”  
Nagito didn’t know where his words came from or why he resisted, but Hajime didn’t say anything, nor did he make any more advances. Or rather, he couldn’t.  
  
There was something off about him to begin with, but throughout the night, Nagito couldn’t quite pinpoint it. He was never the type to be clingy, especially not _in heat_ when he got drunk. He thought that they went as far as they should ever go. As far as they should have ever gone if it weren’t for the situation and circumstances. He didn’t want Hajime to feel regret, disgust, or hatred that they practically slept with each other. That Hajime almost slept with someone like _him_.  
 

With his resolve, Nagito ignored the tightness in his chest and pushed the two of them upright, sitting up while close and facing each other. Strangely enough, even though most of their clothes had been stripped, there wasn’t a beat of awkwardness between them.  
  
Instead, he felt something akin to loneliness.  
   
Nagito’s face was drawn with a soft expression, a look of longing but concern for someone who’s right in front of him, yet out of his reach.  
“Hey… Get some sleep, okay?” He whispered, letting his eyes fall on Hajime’s, which looked glazed, tired, and lost somewhere where he couldn’t find him. Another urge swept over him, and giving into it, his arms reached around the other’s frame, pulling his friend into a hug; the most comfort he could muster.  
  
And with a final touch of affection before putting it all away as a mistake, he brushed a light kiss on Hajime’s forehead.  
  
___________

The morning sun peaked the horizon at an ungodly hour, proof of summer days slowly coming to an end.  
Nagito found himself to be the early riser this time, watching the sun scatter light over the city from the east.  
The ache from last night subsided, but his heart still felt at unease. Everything felt so unnatural, as if it wasn’t supposed to happen like that. It felt wrong for them to be touching the way that they were. Feeling the rush of overdrive, and his heartbeat in his chest, at the time that it happened, it was all artificial. But regardless of his feelings, it was just for Hajime’s comfort. Then why did he force it to stop when he tried to kiss him?  
  
Nagito, admittedly, was never one to be familiar with pain. He couldn’t really recognize it, treat it, but the rare times he felt it, he suffered.  
  
 A noise stirred from his bedroom, and Nagito unwillingly stiffened. Not wanting to turn around and face him, he continued to look out the window, trying to ignore the strange pain slowly creeping into him again. Trying to ignore how his breathing would get caught in his chest, or how his heart was caught in his throat.  
  
“Uh, hey!” Hajime greeted him, sounding oddly chipper but tired as well, “I’m… not exactly sure why I’m here, but I have a splitting headache and—”  
“Wait,” Nagito suddenly interrupted, still not facing him, “You… seriously don’t remember anything from last night?”  
“No…? Why?” His voice grew slightly cautious and suspicious. Nagito tried to ignore his questioning tone, and avoided the subject entirely. “Anyways, don’t worry about it. You were just pretty tired after coming from Chiaki’s, so you crashed at my place.”  
  
Hoping that would be the end of the conversation, Nagito tried to press onto casual conversation, but Hajime was having none of it.  
“No, hold on, I… why was I…” He hesitated, “Well, practically naked?” Hajime decided to leave out the part where he also woke up uncomfortably stiff and hoped like hell he didn’t do anything embarrassing.  
  
Nagito paused, rapidly trying to search his brain to make up an answer, eventually spitting out, “You wanted to take a bath, remember?” His mind supplied more fabricated details as he continued, “I guess you fell asleep while changing, because when I went to call for you, you didn’t respond. So, I took my chances and unlocked the door and just took you to bed, while I crashed on the couch. That’s all.”  
  
Hajime almost seemed to buy it for a few minutes, but then he remembered the one thing that blew his lie to hell. “I thought you couldn’t unlock your bathroom door from the outside?”  
  
Nagito’s breath got caught in his throat once again.  
He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will away the voice in his head telling him that it was all falling apart before him. “Nagito…” Hajime’s voice was quiet and steady, “Why aren’t you looking at me?”  
“Ah… well, the view from here in the morning is really nice, so I don’t like parting with it.”  
  
“…You’re a terrible liar, you know that?”  
  
 “Why, thank you!” Nagito exclaimed, finally turning to face him.  
  
“That wasn’t a—” The familiar response died in his throat, as he watched the other’s face.  
  
“Why…” Hajime looked shaken, chest suddenly aching, as he tried to speak, “Why are you crying?”  
  
Funnily enough, Nagito hadn’t noticed it himself.  
He didn’t know why, but tears started to fall for the first time in his life. He found some kind of humor in it, even as his chest hurt to an unbelievable degree, “Of all the trauma I’ve been through, _this_ is the one thing that’s made me a real human being at long last, huh?” He whispered incredulously, mostly to himself than anyone in particular.  
  
Hajime rushed over to him, holding him by the shoulders, unknowing of what physical touch from him did to Nagito’s heart. He stiffened on contact, unable to look Hajime in the eyes. “What… happened? Did someone hurt you?”    
“Yeah. I guess so.” Nagito’s face turned to a sheepish look, still turning away from the other’s concerned face. Hajime was clouded with an almost scary expression. “Who was it?”  
Nagito paused, unable to answer immediately, but knowing Hajime was growing impatient without one.  
  
“You.”  
  
Hajime’s grip on his shoulders weakened, and then completely dropped. His eyes became clouded with confusion and fear. “What do you mean?”  
  
When his eyes met the other's, it felt like the air suddenly became too heavy, like the memories from the night before had flooded his mind; it was almost dizzying, how it became harder to breathe, harder to think, hearing his thoughts cry out Hajime's name. Find some kind of comfort in him. He was almost ashamed of how badly he wanted his love again, how badly he wanted last night to be something real between them.   
  
At the end of the day, Nagito had always accepted his role as a tool for the happiness of others.  
His family, leaving him in the car to burn, had probably succeeded in erasing the biggest stain of their lives. Hajime and Chiaki, his new family... he never minded throwing away his feelings for the sake of their future, anyway.  
They always denied it, Nagito made sure that whenever they really were ready to use him, he would be ready to offer himself.   
  
But then why was it now, that his mind asked him to be a little selfish? Why was it now that it hurt him more than ever to look at Hajime in the eyes?   
  
Rather, he wondered if, for once in his life, it truly would be selfish if...   
  
“You want to know what happened last night?” His tone shifted to a colder one as he paused, demanding his mind to stop racing from the anxiety. Nagito saw Hajime’s shoulder’s stiffen from the corner of his eyes, bracing himself for revelation.  
“You almost kissed me on the lips. We almost had sex with each other. But I couldn’t take that anymore, either. Do you wanna know why?”  
Nagito felt his voice waver at the last words as his heart rate sped up again, his voice once again eerily steady and unreflecting of his emotional state, yet his tears continued to fall, “Because every time you kissed a part of me, every time you touched me, every time you or I moaned, every second of that, you saw Chiaki. Not me.”  
  
Hajime remained silent, blood running cold as he stood unable to move or say a word as he listened to him, as the rising sun casted Nagito’s shadow over him, illuminating his white hair in its golden light. Hajime thought for a moment, how inappropriate the time may have been, that his eyes reminded him of opalite as they caught the morning rays.  
  
Nagito started to speak again, “Even though it was selfish, I… wanted you to see me. I want you to know now at least, when everything is over, that every time I look at you, or you touch me, or talk to me,” He grabbed Hajime’s hand, and pressed it to where his heart beat rapidly, “I feel _this_. I feel this because I’m in love with you. I’ve always been so… in love with you.”  
  
Nagito didn’t bother to lift his gaze from the ground.  
He knew there would be nothing but regret, letting a dry laugh leave him in his shame.  
  
“I know you’re probably disgusted hearing my confession, or… maybe you hate me already. I wouldn’t blame you. But…”  
  
A wry smile makes its way onto his lips, fingers clenching into a fist so tight that if he clawed any further, his nails would draw blood, “It’s because of you that I get all these incomprehensible feelings. I tried nonetheless, to ignore it, to isolate it. But last night, I wanted to comfort you, because you were hurt and… I felt like I broke, right then and there. I couldn’t take it. I’m sorry if it’s selfish, but I…”  
  
He heard his voice slowly die out.  
  
He felt like he’d said too much. He felt like he hadn’t said enough. He didn’t know how to respond to Hajime’s expression, or how to shake away the hand that kept wiping away his tears nonetheless.  
  
_______  
  
A few weeks had passed before the two of them could handle seeing each other again, not because of making excuses, but simply because of Hajime throwing himself into an excessive workload. Chiaki still made regular visits with the two of them regardless of that, making sure to bring a portable console with her on every visit.  
After hearing about it from Nagito, who reluctantly told her everything, she was extra careful to be sensitive about the situation between the two of them. Still, it pained her to see her best friends like this. So much that she wanted to help them in any way she’s able to.  
  
With that in mind, she figured she would just have to set up another plan. But in the meanwhile, she realized she had to get an idea about what Hajime was thinking at least.  
“With a stubborn fool like him, it might take ages before I crack his emotional case too.” Chiaki groaned to herself as she made her way to the home of said “stubborn fool”.  
  
Many knocks, a couple of doorbells, a few shouts, and several minutes later, Chiaki is greeted by Hajime, who looked as if he was sleepless for weeks.  
“Great timing, asshole.” He spoke with as much enthusiasm as a nihilistic old man, “Do you have any idea what time it is?”  
  
Chiaki glanced at her phone screen, immediately deadpanning back at him, “…It’s 12:27pm.”  
  
Hajime didn’t bother to respond, knowing it was already a lost battle.  
Stepping aside to let his friend in, the two of them made their way to his living room, where Chiaki let herself get comfortable, and as Hajime rushed to freshen up before he was mentally prepared to do so, much to his own dislike.  
  
As the latter entered the room with a few bags of snacks in tow, he let himself settle in the sofa seat across from Chiaki, mentally steeling himself for whatever lecture he might be getting. For all he knew, the fact that Chiaki was in his house unannounced before mid-afternoon meant that she was probably going to scold him. Nevertheless prepared, he let her fire, “Alright, so what did you want to yell at me about this time?” He said, as he watched her stare at him with a blank expression, suddenly shifting as she registered what to say, “Right, I wanted to ask you a question actually.”  
  
“Uh, alright, ask away?”  
  
Chiaki wasted no time in getting to the point.  
  
“Did you two really sleep together that night?”  
  
Hajime felt his heart stop just for a moment. “That’s pretty blunt of you to ask, haha.” His laugh was too forced and nervous, “Truthfully, I… don’t remember.” He averted his eyes almost shamefully from her, trying to calm his anxiety a little. The truth was that he really didn’t remember a lot. Everything seemed to fade out little by little ever since Nagito kissed him. And that kiss, he supposed, was the cause of his emotional breakdown. Chiaki still looked unconvinced.  
“Right. Then what was the last thing you _can_ remember?”  
  
With a bit of hesitation, he started to speak, “I remember when he ki—" Hajime stuttered for a moment trying to say it, a blush creeping up his face, “…kissed me. Then he left, and I sat on the bridge for a long time just thinking. After that, I was at your place and we talked. In the morning, I found myself in his bed.”    
Hajime’s heart felt like a puddle of emotions, too many to process, far more than what he wanted to think about.  
  
Chiaki’s eyes settled calmly on Hajime, noting his expression, self-conscious posture, all leading to the fact that he was probably telling the truth. “Also, about that night…” Her expression slowly changed to a soberer one, “No hard feelings, right? I wasn’t trying to hurt you or anything, I mean you know how much I care about you.”  
“N-no! It’s fine. I’m not worried about it or anything. But there’s still something I don’t understand, Chiaki…” He spoke slowly, trying to collect his thoughts, “What did you mean when you said that I—”  
  
Right at that moment, the doorbell rang. Confused, he passed Chiaki a questioning glare as she got up to answer it, who only looked back at him with a small smile.  
  
Upon seeing his frame by the living room entrance, Hajime stiffened as he met eyes with Nagito. The boy stood there, almost looking dazed and unusually tired. Nonetheless, he had a rather enthusiastic smile on his face as he greeted his friends.  
“H-hey,” Hajime struggled to clear his throat in spite of the awkwardness, trying to get Chiaki’s attention, who was obviously trying to avoid him.  
A thought trailed through his mind, as he looked away from everyone, _“Son of a bitch, I’m going to die of a heart attack today, aren’t I?”  
  
_ With Chiaki out of the room, Nagito practically limped to the couch, placing himself beside Hajime with no other seat free.  
Almost instantly, he could tell there was something wrong with Nagito. His eyes looked hazy and glossed, he looked like he was sweating with the way he was seemingly out of breath. Upon closer inspection, he even smelled different. But a different fear grasped Hajime as he leaned toward Nagito to confirm his suspicions.  
  
The scent lingering on his clothes was proof enough.  
  
“Have you been _drinking?!_ ” Hajime exclaimed, surprised at the volume of his own voice. Nagito didn’t quite have much of a reaction, but he gazed rather nonchalantly at the other, with his arms spread across the backrest of the sofa. “Huh… and here I thought you were making a move on me like last time.”  
He hummed as his words came out slowly, “Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t?”  
  
“I wasn’t making a move, you fool. Forget about what happened that night. But that’s besides the point… _You drank alcohol_? Are you even fucking sober right now? Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed?”  
  
Nagito, even in his drunken state, dodged the question with his own, “What? Forget what? Forget how loud you were moaning when you—"  
  
“Don’t change the subject!”  
As he scolded back, Hajime’s face burned in embarrassment; much to his fear but also his relief, he didn’t remember a thing from that night. Still, he had no idea that Nagito’ recollection could be so… mortifying. Nagito let a small smile settle on his face, “I’m just messing with you. There’s no way you’d care for something like that, after all.”   _  
  
_ Hajime let out a scoff at his remark; but as nonsensical as he was being, Hajime had to know what was wrong with him.  
Then it suddenly occurred to him, with a change of face, “Are you by any chance… off your medication?” He inquired carefully, knowing full well that it made sense; though the alcohol amplified it, Nagito almost always had a shift in personality and behavior when he stopped taking his medicine for a while.  
His silence was all that he needed to know the truth, especially with his smug face turning into an almost-guilty look.  
  
“I will literally kick your ass.” He threatened with a straight face, through gritted teeth.   
  
Unable to even retort with a smart remark, Nagito was suddenly overcome with just how dizzy and stuffy he was starting to feel, struggling to maintain composure. Struggling to speak clearly as his heart beat erratically, his vision of Hajime’s stern face blurred in front of his eyes.  
  
“Don’t worry about it…” He falsely reassured, breathing heavily in between words, “It’s not like it… matters muc—”  
  
With a sudden loss of balance, Hajime found Nagito falling forward onto his chest; with panic striking his body, he realized just how feverish he as with a simple touch on his forehead. He cursed under his breath, as he began wildly searching for Chiaki.  
  
________  
  
A small beep resounded from the thermometer in Chiaki’s hand, “Huh… seems to be just a normal fever. If anything, he’s probably just drunk and fell asleep. Or maybe it could be low blood pressure? I’m no doctor, so I can’t really say…” She uneasily said, taking Hajime’s seat, letting Nagito’s head rest on her lap.  
By the serene look on his face, it would be difficult to even tell if he was struggling or faking it.  
Still, Hajime knew how weak his body was, and how easily he got sick. With all that Nagito’s been through, he can only hope it doesn’t escalate to anything worse, or even something fatal.    
  
The concern was clear on Hajime’s face, as Chiaki could see, but not wanting him to fall into a cycle of being worried sick, she decided to spill what was on her mind.  
“I’m sorry I sprung all this on you,” The quiet apology left her lips as she guiltily looked away from Hajime. “I was just worried about Nagito because I figured he wasn’t taking care of himself. And, well, it seems like I was right.” Hajime listened to Chiaki, occasionally glancing at the boy who lay fast asleep and sickly on her lap.  
  
“I invited him without telling you because I know about the situation, and I know you wouldn’t be alright with him around so soon.” Chiaki paused, giving him an all-knowing smile, “But I also know that you two need each other too.”  
   
At those words, Hajime felt his chest warm up a little. And he knew it too. He knew he wouldn’t let their friendship end because of everything that happened. However, ever since he was a child, he had a problem with initiating apologies. Not that he didn’t want to, but rather that he couldn’t find the nerve or find the words he wanted to say that could express what he felt.  
A tiny smile came upon his face as he shifted his gaze to the floor, watching the sunlight streaming in flicker and dance about the wooden panels.    
  
“Yeah, I know. I need him too.” The words escaped him quietly.  
  
Chiaki found a genuine, benign, smile on her face, reaching out to grasp Hajime’s hand gently. She spoke in an equally soft manner, almost like she was afraid to break the atmosphere between them, “I’m glad… because I know for a fact, that couldn’t stand to see you both fall apart, and watch us lose one another too.”    
  
After some time, the room settled into a comfortable silence for what felt like an hour, Hajime spent his time either on his phone or lost in thought as he watched the golden maple leaves beyond the window flutter in the breeze. The summer seemed to escape them quicker than he could’ve ever anticipated.  
  
Surprisingly, it brought his train of thought back to a question he had earlier. He pondered for a moment, but asked anyway, “Hey, Chiaki?”  
  
“Mm-hmm?” She hummed without looking up, concentrated on the video game she’d been cracking down on for the past hour.    
  
“What… did you mean when you said that you didn’t think I was actually in love with you?”  
  
The question seemed to bring Chiaki’s button mashing to a halt, suddenly flipping her pink DSi shut and tucking it away in her backpack. Hajime felt strangely honored that his question meant more to her than that Sonic Rush game she’d been focusing on.  
After a beat of silence, she sighed gently, “It’s exactly what it sounds like. I was mistaken to think that you had feelings for me, because I remembered and finally realized when we had that talk, that you never did.”  
Hajime stared back at her, mildly confused, and a little worried for her answer.  
  
“You tell me then, what are the things that you liked about me that was explicitly romantic feelings? And then also tell me, when it was that you started to like me?” Chiaki calmly replied, her gentle and knowing smile returning to her.  
  
Hajime started to open his mouth, but then stopped momentarily, “I… I guess I cared deeply for you. You’ve always been there for me, and you’ve listened to me about… a lot of things that I’d usually be shunned for.” His eyes met Chiaki’s, and then fell again.  
  
“Shunned for…? Ah, you mean the time you came out to me about you being bisexual, right?” Chiaki’s cool bluntness made Hajime jolt in his seat. It felt like the heating had suddenly turned up a notch.  
  
“Yeah. That. We promised not to talk about it, remember?”  
  
“I remember.” She calmly stated. “But my question is, why did you never tell Nagito about it?  
  
His face started to grow a little hotter, redder, as the conversation progressed. He was starting to think it was a mistake to let Chiaki interrogate him in his own house.  
  
“Surely, your memory isn’t as bad as his?” Hajime did everything in his power to not look at her face, but he started to feel like Chiaki was playing him like a damn fiddle. In his mind, he begged her not to finish her thought.  
But as luck would have it, she continued, “I mean, I was always under the impression that Nagito was your first crush.”  
  
Hajime practically heard police sirens go off in his head, clenching his jaw and cursing to himself out of spite, _‘She said it, she fucking said it.’  
  
_ The fact that Nagito was completely knocked out from his fever was probably his one grain of a blessing in disguise. Then again, he had a feeling that Chiaki probably wouldn’t have brought it up if they weren’t technically alone in the conversation. But still, listening to the difficult truth about his past was worse when it was brought to light after so many years of burying it.  
  
Chiaki pressed on the conversation further, a small smile on her face, “You look surprised. You can’t tell me that I didn’t notice how your eyes would wander to him during class, and you’d try and wave it off like you weren’t staring. Whenever you were lost, you’d always look to him first, wanting him to guide you back safely.” She closed her eyes and sighed out of empathy, as she might add, “You two are far too easy to read…”  
  
Her last sentence caught Hajime by surprise, “You two? You mean that you knew… about Nagito having feelings for me, then?”  
Chiaki looked thoughtful for a moment, “Well, truthfully speaking, he was a bit harder to decipher than you were, but when I caught onto his pattern, I realized how you idiots were practically flying right over each other. But I’ve always wondered about something…”  
Hajime looked at her curious expression and nervously replied, “W-what’s up?”   
“Ever since the end of elementary school, you seemed to stop giving him hints about your affections. What happened, anyway?” She looked toward him, perhaps genuinely unknowing.  
  
“First of all, they weren’t supposed to be hints. Secondly…” Hajime shut his eyes for a second with a trace of a grimace. “Well, I guess I have some explaining to do anyway.”  
  
After a few moments of silence to gather his thoughts, Hajime proceeded to tell her everything; how his past played a part in his feelings. He told her about his parents, how they were conservative and had a feeling he was “wrong” in some way, when young Hajime would talk about how he thought “everyone was pretty, not just girls”. They merely discarded him for the sake of not taking any chances. He went on to explain how, on the day they found and rescued Nagito from the burning car, was by sheer coincidence the same day that he got a letter from his parents to meet him in the field at the back of the orphanage in secrecy. And taking Chiaki with him, they did just that.  
  
Hajime’s face clouded with doubt as he recalled how his parents spoke degradingly to him, who was at the time just a child. They warned him with a piece of “parental guidance”, to “not be disgraceful scum that willingly defies society for his own benefit”.  
  
It took years for him to realize what they meant.   
  
Chiaki, who was listening to the whole thing, started to clue in to what he was implying. As she was in a separate class, but attending the same school as him, she was aware of the harassment he went through, but was never certain on what it was about. Hajime always seemed to internalize his issues, after all.  
  
With a pained smile, he started to talk about the bullying he went through for being attracted to boys, a mistake of his own account for confiding in untrustworthy people; it was initially a minor issue, but as the ripple effect would have it, it started to affect other things, especially his own subconscious.  
  
His parents’ warning seemed to stick to his skin like a leech, and bit by bit, it started to tie in together with why he was being bullied. Over time he started to push it away from himself, trying to forget it and “normalize” himself, as his parents probably wanted. He didn’t know why he even went that far, for parents who might be as good as dead, but even as an adult when he fully acknowledges it as his own cowardice, he still couldn’t face the facts.  
  
As he came to a quiet stop, Chiaki’s face was unreadable as she tried to process everything with a hand on her chin. “So, what you’re saying is that you tried to bury and lose your feelings in me so that you wouldn’t remember that part of you that likes guys. Internalized guilt due to your parents, and amplified by the bullying, as it were. But… because Nagito kissed you that night, that triggered you to remember your old feelings for him. You’re struggling to deal with your identity after ignoring it for so long.” She stated as a matter of fact.  
  
Hajime pressed his lips together before giving in, “That’s… a blunt but accurate summary, yeah.” He quietly muttered.  
  
Chiaki seemed to pout a little, “Aw, so you don’t actually think I’m cute, huh?”  
 “Wh—” Hajime panicked, stuttering a little, “No, that’s not it! You’re attractive, trust me, I just don’t… uh, I don’t know how to say it—”  
  
“Oh calm down, I was only kidding.” She chuckled. “I’m flattered, but believe it or not, I’m actually a little relieved that you don’t actually have feelings for me. I told you already on that night, that I really wouldn’t be able to see you guys as anything other than my best friends. But if it’s different for you two, then rest assured, you have my full support.”  
  
Hajime’s felt a little warm at her words yet again, but the question still floated about the air. Apparently, Chiaki seemed to notice it on his face too.  
“Hajime, you… really can’t afford to be hung up on the past. If I’m going to be honest, anyway. I think we’ve all suffered enough. What happened in your childhood happened, but you’re an adult now aren’t you? I think you have _more than enough_ of a right to shape your life the way you want. Or in your case… date who you want.”  She flashed a smile to him, which had been shyly reciprocated.  
  
Legs growing numb however, she started shifting around in her seat, careful not to disturb Nagito who still lay in her lap and fast asleep.  
Despite her efforts, he seemed to stir slightly anyway, letting out a soft groan and scrunching up his face a little.  
  
Hajime didn’t know why, but that alone made his heart pace a little faster.  
  
_________

Day faded to dusk as the sun started to lower on the horizon. As Chiaki yawned with the drool from her mouth almost falling on Nagito’s face, for what seemed like the twentieth time in two hours, Hajime decided to let her go home for the night.  
She carefully inspected Nagito’s condition and started calculating in her head. “Okay, so I have work tomorrow, but if you can help me carry Nagito back home, the—”  
“ _Woah_ , woah, it’s fine! We don’t need to go that far. I’ll take care of him for the night at my place.” Hajime interrupted her, suddenly fearing the idea of carrying a fully-grown man for three kilometers.  
  
The fact that Nagito was light-weight, or the fact that Hajime himself was fit enough from military training was irrelevant; he was not keen on willingly working out this way. He also thought, but couldn’t stand to say it out loud, that he didn’t know what his heart would do if he had Nagito pressed up so close to his body and neck for twenty minutes.  
  
“Hm…” Chiaki seemed to ponder thoughtfully for a minute, chin in hand and looking away. Hajime waited for a response, but she never finished her thought; she simply started packing up her bag. He stared at her a bit confusedly, but brushed it away as another one of her weird habits.  
Gently placing Nagito’s head on the couch after removing herself from it, she softly patted his face as her way of saying goodbye.  
After those long hours, she finally stretched for good measure. Hajime was astounded at how long she was able to sit unmoving from the sofa. The perks of being a gaming champion, he supposed. He always feared the nights they would play Super Smash Bros. or a fifty turn Mario Party game together just because of her. Though, Nagito always seemed to get lucky with Mario Party, Chiaki’s endurance was unrivaled.  
  
Hajime walked her to the door, and before leaving, she embraced him warmly. “Let me know if there’s anything you two need. Don’t stay up too late taking care of him, or you’ll get sick too. Oh, and make sure to check his temperature every now and then and—”  
“Yes mom, I understand.” He chuckled, “I’ll leave the chicken out to defrost too.”  
“Don’t interrupt me, you fool!” She pouted, letting him go to pinch and pull his cheeks as punishment. The two playfully pulled at each other’s faces until tears started to fall from both pain and laughter. When it was all over, with their cheeks still sore, they waved each other goodbye as Hajime’s eyes softened and watched Chiaki’s back slowly disappear the further she walked. While the thought was fleeting, he was genuinely glad that he didn’t have parents; all the family he needed was right by his side.     
  
After locking the door, Hajime paced back to the living room, settled on preparing for Nagito to stay over while he was sick for the night. He might have hated school, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t pay attention in health or hospitality class. He was determined to look over and aid him throughout the night, even though he knew the consequences if Chiaki found out he was going that far. Still, he couldn’t leave such a sickly friend alone.  
  
One by one, he started to crack down on everything he had to do. Starting from preparing chicken soup, cleaning up his room and changing all the sheets, getting a towel and bowl of water for cold presses, placing different medicinal tablets neatly in a tray, and brewing up some strange concoction of a tea that might as well be his homemade “ _Drink to Cure Anything_ ” potion.  
  
Once he had everything ready, he went back to the patient in need, still asleep on the couch and unmoving apart from the subtle rising and descent of his chest. It felt strangely calming to watch him.  
Though, prying himself away from staring like a creep, he gently tucked his arms under Nagito’s middle back and knees, and lifted him up with a bit of effort. With his body pressed close to his chest, Hajime carefully made his way up the stairs, cautious not to bump into any corners as to not wake up the boy in his arms, who he could’ve sworn was awake and listening to the swift-beating sound in his chest.  
He ignored it however, as he pushed open his bedroom door, laying his body down gently on the bed.  
  
He looked strangely peaceful for someone who was suffering a fever, Hajime found himself thinking as he watched his face; noticing the little things about his looks that stayed the same as always, and the things that had changed over the years.  
Without thinking too hard on it, Hajime found himself strangely entranced by the atmosphere as he brushed the stray strands of hair on his face aside, his thumb carefully running by the edge of his cheekbone, taking in the shape of his jawline, long eyelashes, and porcelain doll-like complexion despite his sickly nature. And though his eyes were lidded shut, he couldn’t get the image of opalite out of his mind. In some way, looking at him now… made his heart race a little.  
  
The moment came to an end as Hajime was thrown back to reality by the sound of Nagito stirring from his sleep.  
  
“Ngh…” Nagito’s voice strained and groaned, as he blinked sleepily to adjust to the yellow lamp light, “Mm… jime? Where’s Chiaki? Where’m I?” He watched Hajime with bleary eyes as he fetched him a glass of water. Supporting his back to sit upright, Hajime spoke to a half-awake Nagito, “Ah, she left a couple of hours ago. I’m taking care of you for the night, so you’re currently in my bedroom, as you can see.” He shrugged, “It’s about 10pm right now, so after you have dinner, your medicine, and tea, I’ll apply some cold presses while you should get some sleep again.”  
  
Nagito, who was now mostly awake and slowly sipping on the cold water, suddenly stopped, and then had a small smile on his face as he looked into his glass. Hajime looked at him curiously, “What, what’s wrong?”  
He looked up from his glass back to Hajime, seeing a concerned look plastered over his face. “Nothing, really. I just found it cute.”  
  
“Found what cute?”  
  
“You.”  
   
Hajime was burning up.  
  
“Oh, shut up, you…” He was desperately trying to keep his voice steady, pulling the dip of his t-shirt over his nose to hide the flush creeping up his face. “You’re still feverish, and there’s nothing wrong with taking precautio—”  
  
Nagito’s hand distracted him, as he suddenly held Hajime’s to let go of the grip on his shirt. “You don’t have to hide it, you know.” He said coolly with a carefree smile on his face, and yet somehow, his eyes felt a little colder. “You’re too easily flustered by the likes of me for someone who’s not even romantically into the same sex.”   
Hajime heard his subconscious supplying _“If only you knew”_ , but forcing it to shut up, he tried to focus on more important matters at hand. “Anyway… If you have enough energy to flirt with me, then surely you have enough energy to take all your medicine?” He said, watching Nagito’s collected expression dry up immediately.   
  
“Suddenly, I feel sick again.”  
  
Seeing it coming from a mile away, Hajime deadpanned, knowing full well how much whining he’s about to hear, “Absolutely not. I will feed you if I have to, but you’re taking all the vitamins, fever-preventive, and prescribed meds that you skipped out on.”  
Astonishingly enough, Nagito reluctantly agreed with a subtle nod of his head, but somehow Hajime felt something off about how easily things smoothed over.  
  
Surely, Hajime’s gut feeling was right.  
Just as he brought the soup up on a tray and placed it in front of Nagito, he quietly muttered, “I… can’t lift a spoon right now, I think you’ll have to feed me.”  
  
He looked at him incredulously.  
“Bullshit.” He exclaimed, “You’re trying to make excuses, now aren’t you?”  
“No, really,” Nagito suddenly perked up to insist, “My left arm is fine, but my right is numb and shaky. And… you _know_ I’m right handed.”  
Hajime paused, narrowing his eyes at the other, “I still don’t believe you. Give it a try at least.”  
  
With the tiniest huff, Nagito pressed his lips into a fine line and almost painstakingly lifted his right arm, holding the spoon. Dipping it into the hot soup in front of him, Hajime observed him cautiously from the side. He was right; his hand really was shaking badly, so much that it was spilling more than he was carrying.  
  
“Shit, what the hell…” Hajime heard himself say under his breath, like it was painful to even watch, “Fine. Give me that.”  
  
Hajime pulled his desk chair as close to the bedside as he possibly could, propping Nagito upright with his left arm, and holding the soup spoon with his right. Nagito, surprisingly, sat there quietly, watching Hajime scoop up the hot liquid, gently blowing on it to cool it down, before carefully bringing it to his lips. The exchanged continued in comfortable and fragile silence, but each time Hajime looked at him with those calm and caring green eyes, he couldn’t help but feel his heart grow a little closer, a little warmer.  
  
Even after what transpired that night, he couldn’t change the way he felt, even if Hajime didn’t feel the same.    
  
______  
  
A half hour passed before Nagito’s fever started to slowly worsen.  
Frantic, Hajime started to look up different methods while he used the towel for a cold-press, wiping away the sweat that formed on the other’s forehead and changing the water every so often when it would get too warm. No matter how awful his fever felt, however, Nagito couldn’t help but think that Hajime was pushing his own limit.  
  
“Hey… tsun-tsun head, listen to me. I’m not dying, you don’t have to worry so much.” His voice tried to reach Hajime, who was far too absorbed in his phone with a serious expression. “Seriously, I’m fine.”  
  
A distracted mumble resounded from the other, “Clearly, you’re not.”  
  
“Clearly, I will be, with how you’ve been taking care of me.” Nagito’s voice went quiet all of a sudden, wondering if he should risk asking, “Anyway, if you’re so worried about how I’ll be doing overnight then why don’t you just…” His voice got caught.  
Not because of his fever, but rather his nerves.  
  
Hajime simply wore a confused expression, “Why don’t I just what?”  
Embarrassed, Nagito threw the blanket over his head to hide his face, mumbling to himself, “Never mind, just forget it.”  
But Hajime was always stubborn when it came to these things, as he immediately paced across the room to yank the blanket off from his head anyway. Hovering over his body, Hajime stared down at him with his eyebrows furrowed in concern, “Tell me.”  
  
Nagito kept quiet, his eyes looking a little wide as he stared back, and face looking a lot redder than Hajime last saw it. Unbeknownst of the real reason for it, it only worried him more if that’s where the fever really was taking him. An annoyed sigh left him as he spoke, “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk, but I’ll tell you what I’ve decided for the night.” He said as he settled back down in his chair, “I’m going to go fetch your tea and medicine. Take all of it.”  
As he finished, Nagito started to smile a little again. Fearing it’d be something embarrassing, Hajime asked cautiously, “W-what is it this time?”  
  
“I’m just a little surprised. You’re a lot more stern when it comes to taking care of people’s health.”  
  
The comment caught Hajime by surprise.  
In fact, when thinking back on it, he actually wasn’t like this with _everyone’s_ health.  
  
“I mean, it’s not just any random person that I stress out about. It’s usually you and your health that I’m the most worried for.”    
  
“I suppose so, you’ve been doing this kind of thing since we were kids, but you’ve never looked so anxious over me since the time we were in elementary school…” Nagito mumbled quietly.  
  
“Well, obviously. You’ve never been so reckless with yourself. Your health is too fragile to be so careless, don’t you realize?” He paused for a second, a small flare of anger rising as he remembered why Nagito was in the condition that he was, “Don’t answer that actually, because you clearly don’t with how you’ve been neglecting yourself.” Hajime suddenly snapped.  
  
The mood abruptly shifted to an atmosphere that Nagito didn’t find himself fond of.  
  
Hajime took a short and agitated breath, “If this is because of me, or your way of getting back at me for whatever happened that night, then—”  
“It’s not your fault.” He interrupted before Hajime could apologize.  
  
They remained silent for a beat, before Hajime spoke up again, “Why’d you do that to yourself then? You know you have liver problems so bad that it could lead to a failure. Then what? You don’t understand that drinking and not taking your meds for that long would have put your life at risk?”  
  
Nagito refused to meet Hajime’s eyes, feeling a little weak from something besides his sickness. An unexpected apathetic laugh airily came out of him, “I don’t see the problem.”  
The tone of his voice changed to one that sounded colder, almost dry, “This past week was a blur because of… a lot of things. But I don’t blame you for it. I only _bother_ to live for you two. But on my own… I… I just don’t care.”  
Hajime wasn’t unfamiliar with his self-deprecative ways, but even this struck a nerve with him. A smile that was twisted, void of real emotion turned up on Nagito’s face, his eyes clouding a little with an unfamiliar emotion, “I know that my life was forfeit from the beginning, you know? I probably deserved to die in that fire, if my parents thought that I wasn’t worth it. I simply can’t find it in myself to bother—”  
  
Hajime felt like he heard enough.  
  
“What the _fuck do you think you’re saying?”_ Hajime’s voice bellowed as he threw back his chair and stood up, towering over the other in disbelief and anger, “Are you that dense to think that I wouldn’t care if you hurt yourself? Acting like your life is worthless… who the hell do you think you’re kidding!?” Hajime’s voice and body quivered, realizing that his temper hit its limit.  
  
He surprised both Nagito and himself with his outburst.  
   
He surprised himself with the tears he felt falling from his eyes without meaning to.  
  
And the cold ache and terror that hounded him; that fear of possibly losing Nagito, as he sat there frail and sickly in front of him. The same person he wanted to protect more than anything else.  
  
“Don’t make all this for nothing…” He said, quietly letting the words slip from him, letting his tears soundlessly fall from his face as well.       
  
They were both stunned into a vulnerable silence for what seemed like ages. Nagito’s look of self-hatred, the haze in his eyes, and the artificial smile; all of it was gone sooner than they’d appeared. He could only watch as Hajime’s eyes welled up with what looked like not only anger and frustration, but sorrow as well. As he felt an unkind force playing with his heart at the sight, he was the first to break the silence.  
   
“It’s… been a while since I’ve seen you shed tears.” He broke out into the smallest trace of a smile. “But it seems like you’re the same as always, you big crybaby.”  
  
Hajime was never the sort to get angry without good reason. He’s easily irritated, for sure, but genuine anger was never triggered so easily. It didn’t occur to Nagito, just how strongly he felt about his health. It was… just his health though, right? Or maybe it was Nagito himself that he cared about.  
  
_Cared about…_  
  
The words sounded so foreign to the boy.  
Not that he didn’t love Chiaki and Hajime, but for him to be cared for, looked after… or loved, was something he could never open his heart to. Not as long as he felt the air of worthlessness choking him on his worst nights. Not as long as the trauma he’d seemingly rejected adamantly reminded him that he was unwanted. Not as long as he felt that he could be self-sacrificial to the point where he wouldn’t mind giving up his life for the sake of their happiness.  
  
Though a speck of realization, just the slightest bit of hope blossomed in his chest.  
  
_“But maybe… their happiness included me, as well?”_  
  
Fighting the fever that still lingered and weakened his body, Nagito pushed himself upright, wrapping his arms around Hajime, who’d subconsciously welcomed it, gently resting his chin on his shoulder. “I know I was hurt that night with all that happened, but… I never despised or blamed you. In fact, it’s more like it's my fault for being so reckless and thinking that I wouldn’t care if something happened to me.”  
  
Hajime stayed silent, his shaking settling down slowly as he listened to the other’s all-too-familiar raspy voice.  
“It’s fine if you make mistakes because you’re only human too. But if it relieves you even a little, then know that I forgive you anyway.”  
As he said that, he felt Hajime’s arms reciprocate the embrace, filling him with a different kind of warmth, filling him with a feeling of a change that he wanted to pursue. Hajime felt the feverish heat emanating from his body, hearing Nagito’s quiet voice resound by his ear.  
  
“I… will try to take better care of myself. Even if you’re not constantly watching over my shoulder, I’ll try.” He paused, letting his thoughts and his promise sink in. He held him a little tighter, closing his eyes and burrowing his face into the crook of his neck. _“Whatever happens, just don’t leave my side…”_  
  
“Let’s just start over, okay?”  
  
___________

Hajime didn’t realize when he fell asleep, or when he climbed onto the bed in his daze. It also didn’t occur to him, that Nagito fell asleep not only beside him, but buried into his chest with his arms draped over his body. Part of him wanted to let the feeling last, maybe admire his sleeping face for as long as he could.  
  
He could suppose this kind of accidental close proximity was… normal between best friends, right?  
  
He was close enough to feel Hajime’s heartbeat, and Hajime was close enough to feel his breath on his neck. In that moment, it felt like everything had already fallen into place. As if their talk last night was that of a confession, and maybe, if he could hold on to these moments, he could pretend that they really were… dating.  
  
At that thought, Nagito’s eyelashes fluttered slightly, the mellow grey of his eyes shifting to look up at Hajime, both making his heart skip a beat and making him envious of how he wasn’t flustered by their closeness as well.  
“Thinking of kissing me good morning, are you?” He said in a low voice as he grinned sleepily. Even in the morning, his nature was as cocky as usual.  
In the back of Hajime’s mind, he heard a voice saying not to tempt him, but silenced it immediately.  
  
“I think I liked it better when you were asleep and _not_ so full of yourself.” He groaned, turning himself over to face the wall.  
  
Their day started slowly, going from freshening up to conversing in the living room, all while Nagito was still trying to recover and adjust after falling ill the night before. All his time asleep and out of commission meant that he was dehydrated, still a bit weak, and probably hungry. However, “Nurse” Hajime was on top of his care; continuously checking up on his temperature every half hour, making sure that should he feel sick again, he should say so immediately. His mother duck behaviour seemed to be never-ending, no matter what Nagito reassured him last night or even now.  
  
“Relax! I’m totally fine, I promise.” Nagito’s hand patted the other’s shoulder, urging him to sit down for once, “This is also the fourth time you’ve stuck a thermometer in my mouth in the past three hours with absolutely nothing changing—”  
  
“Shh, I think it’s giving me a new reading.”  
  
“Of course it’ll give you a different reading if you hang it out in the air like that! Are you that dumb?” Nagito’s face was pulled into a deceivingly sweet smile, despite the condescending tone.  
  
Admittedly, Hajime felt a little stupid, pulling into a small frown.  
One look at his face was enough to show it, and enough for Nagito to burst out laughing at the sight. Hajime quietly thought to himself as he watched him with a little endearment, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to mess up every now and then if it meant he got to hear a sound like that every day.    
  
Taking a breath to get a hold of himself, Nagito thoughtfully placed a hand on his cheek, an idea suddenly coming to him.  
“Mm hey, Hajime-kun!” He called cheerily, “Since it’s your day off, and since you’re still worried about my health, why don’t we spend the day together at my place? It’s been a while since you and I hung out properly, right?” He said, already pulling himself away from the couch. Thankfully, Hajime noticed as he watched him move about, Nagito seemed to have stabilized a lot. Kind of a miracle, given his state last night, but maybe it’s just his natural good luck working its magic.  
  
Hajime found a small smile on his face, following Nagito off the couch, “Why not? We’ve got some bonding to do.”  
  
_____  
  
After locking up the house, the two of them walked side by side to Nagito’s apartment. The air felt a bit frosty, being that of an early autumn morning, but it felt refreshing. Hajime always found the season to be a pleasant one, certainly better than the gloomy days in winter. But today felt a bit different somehow; like the sensation and warmth he felt this morning still lingered on his skin. Like he couldn’t quite meet Nagito’s eyes without his chest tightening up. All those feelings, as he remembered, were exactly the same as the feelings he had during his childhood.  
  
It was terrifying how that one indirect kiss resurfaced so many feelings, feelings that almost obliterated whatever attraction Hajime might’ve had toward Chiaki, reminding him how it was just to bury his feelings about Nagito. Almost like the devil himself could hear his thoughts, or rather, the world was trying to curse him, he felt their hands brush past each other.  
Instinctively, his hand twitched and slightly jerked away. Nagito turned his head to face the other, a look of slight confusion on his face, “What? Static shock?”  
“Y-yeah, I guess…” Hajime sheepishly lied, feeling his face burn and his heart practically racing out of his chest.  
  
He fell behind a step or two as pulled his scarf over his nose and scolded himself, cursing about how and _why_ he was dying from their hands just barely touching each other. Especially considering how close they were to each other this morning, even. But Hajime quickly realized that recollecting that memory was a mistake of its own, too. He had no idea his heart could do all that and more to him.  
_  
“Feelings are awful. Unnecessary.”_   He whined to himself, trying to convince himself of what he unfortunately knew was impossible.  
  
Hajime walked mostly in silence for most of the walk, listening to Nagito ramble on about a new book he’d gotten into lately. “It’s been a really long time since I read anything in the post-apocalyptic genre, but I don’t think I’ve been able to put the book down ever since I started reading it.”  
  
“Huh… is that why you’ve been neglecting yourself for the past week?” Hajime snarked at him, without meaning harm.  
  
“Ouch.” Nagito whined as he feigned offence, but smiled nonetheless, “Cold, aren’t you? But no, it took me less than a couple of hours to start and finish it.”  
  
Hajime felt his brain stutter for a second. “Wait… I thought you said the book was over seven-hundred pages long?”  
  
“Yep! I guess I just read faster if I really like a book.” He said casually, as if it was completely natural to read at the speed of a human bullet. Hajime felt a bit lightheaded at the mere thought of it.  
  
However, crushes and talents aside, there really was nothing better to him than listening to him talk passionately about something he enjoys. Given that there aren’t a lot of things that he can because of his health restrictions, it gave him all the more reason to cherish that look of genuine happiness on his face when he found something that he loves. There was something in the way that his silvery eyes lit up, his words would sound a bit livelier, and the way his beaming smile wouldn’t leave his face that was just so contagious and heartwarming to him.  
  
The two of them continued with talks of their favourite seasons, debates about food, and the occasional moments Hajime would catch himself a little entranced while Nagito wasn’t looking, until they reached the foot of his apartment. Pushing the doors open, Nagito felt the warm and familiar air bring his cold cheeks back to his senses, as they quietly made their way up to his flat. Hajime had been here so many times that sometimes he forgot that he wasn’t the one who lived here. In fact, it felt like he was at Chiaki’s or Nagito’s place far more often than his own.  
_‘Benefits of living close to your childhood friends, I suppose.’_ He could only think to himself as the two of them wordlessly entered Nagito’s apartment.  
  
Taking both of their coats and hanging them neatly in the closet, as if they were office documents being filed, Nagito turned his attention back to Hajime, “So, did you want to watch a movie, talk, or make-out?” He suggested with a sly smile, purposely putting an emphasis on the last one and waiting for the other’s reaction. Surely enough, Hajime felt a blush creeping up his face, but cleared his throat to forcefully stop it right in its track. “I… don’t mind watching a movie or just talking if you’re up for that.” He said, lowering his eyes and shying away. The fact that he even felt shy and let his heart jump around a meaningless-flirt idiot like Nagito was probably something he felt was to be ashamed of.

But he sooner or later found himself smiling a little anyway, as he always did when he was with him.  
  
______  
  
The two boys found themselves talking on and off for hours, legs folded or tucked, as they sat close but not close enough to make their hearts fall out of their chest. Nagito occasionally looked to his left at Hajime, studying his expressions and wanting to burn his smile into his memory as he talked about childhood memories.  
Talking about the orphanage, how it was shabby with the worn-out and splintered wood holding the walls together, but it felt warm, almost homely despite that. How his parents probably weren’t bad people, but they couldn’t quite make space for Hajime in their lives. How he met Chiaki, and how the two of them became best friends after he beat her record in a computer game that they would find themselves soon bonding over. It somehow felt like Nagito was hearing these things and learning about Hajime for the first time all over again.  
  
Unfortunately, Nagito couldn’t really find himself relating to any of the nostalgia, other than his memories after he met Chiaki and Hajime. But nonetheless, he listened to the other talk with an open heart. But as he listened on, Hajime’s enthused recollection paused for a minute, with a sort of shift coming into his eyes as he spoke quietly.  
  
“…But honestly, I think that a lot of my life really changed after I met you.”  
  
Nagito’s heart momentarily stuttered, making sure he heard it right and trying to play it calmly, “You mean, when you and Chiaki _saved_ me…”  
Hajime’s face wore a small but embarrassed smile, “Ah, well, you don’t have to say it like that.”  
  
He shyly looked away toward the large window of the condo, distracting himself by gazing at the foliage beyond it that stretched as far as the eye could see. He noticed how the horizon was already dyed and lined with hues of pink, purple, and gold, a sliver of the sun still lingering on the horizon; Hajime found himself as entranced in the colours and scenery just as he did when looking into Nagito’s eyes. He felt the slightest blush on his face at the thought, and quickly brushed it away.  
_  
“What a shamelessly hopeless romantic…”_ He cursed himself silently.  
  
Nagito’s voice broke him out of his enticed gaze, “But I do have to say it like that. I would’ve died that day, obviously. Happy coincidence or not, you saved my life.” His tone grew a lot softer, almost nothing like Hajime had ever heard before. “I’ve given Chiaki my thanks a hundred times throughout my life, but I realized that I never really told you, or rather I don’t know how I could tell you but…”  
As his voice trailed off, Hajime found his hand gently tucked into Nagito’s, watching his fingers slowly being entwined with the other’s. “Thank you, Hajime… I love you dearly, as my best friend.” Nagito spoke quietly with gratitude behind every word, somewhat forcing himself to say the last four words before things could have a chance of falling apart again.  
   
Somehow, maybe because of how far they’d already gone, or the fragility of the whole situation, Hajime couldn’t let his heartbeat overpower his senses. He wanted to listen, if this really was the time Nagito would finally let go of everything he had inside of him.  
   
But there was nothing else he had to say.  
Nothing more that Nagito could say about his past that hadn’t already been said.  
There weren’t any more bitter or sad feelings tied to the trauma he’d faced, none that he could bother to hold on to.  
  
All he could do was remember his memories with Chiaki and Hajime.  
  
All he could do was remember his feelings, of how they would always be there for him, especially his feelings for the boy sitting across from him.  
  
All he could do was give Hajime the soft but genuine smile he would keep on his face just for him, for the words he couldn’t quite tell him all the time.  
The smile that meant, _“I love you dearly, in a romantic way”._  
  
The two of them sat in comfortable silence for a while, with Hajime’s heartbeat slowly growing again, as the reality of the situation began to seep in again. Their fingers still remained in a warm and gentle lock together, but Nagito looked seemingly unfazed, his eyes closed with a peaceful expression.  
It took him a minute to realize that he’d actually dozed off, as still as a statue.   
  
“…You’re the same as always too, aren’t you?” Hajime chuckled under his breath, unknowingly waking Nagito up with a minor startle. “Mm?... What do you mean?”  
A laugh bubbled up his chest, as he watched Nagito, a little dazed and confused in his sleep. It was endearing, almost like watching a kitten trying to walk for the first time.  
  
“I meant your sleeping habits. You’re still able to sleep while sitting up, huh? You’ve only done so a handful of times when you were a kid, but—”  
  
“Woah, woah, you remembered that from when I was a _kid_?”  
  
“Of course.” Hajime stated as matter of fact. “You forgot that I was the one to take care of you when you were sick, but I’ve also spent most of my days at your side as a friend, not a nurse.” Hajime’s expression changed to a fonder one, “You’re a little hard to miss anyway, since you’re such a troublemaker. But I guess that’s why everyone gravitated toward you.” He paused, a bit shy for a moment, “Myself included, I suppose.”  
Nagito’s heart slightly jumped at the words, but listened to Hajime as he continued, “You think you know everything, but I assure you, I know pretty much everything about you too, Nagito Komaeda.”  
Hajime’s lips curled into another smile as he looked at Nagito, who sat there a little flustered, flushed, and unable to speak.  
  
“I… who do you mean by everyone? Because all throughout my life, only Chiaki and… you, were there for me.” His voice trailed off, letting Hajime answer for him, “I suppose so, but even if it was just the two of us, at least I…” Hajime stiffened, afraid to tell him how he really felt throughout his childhood. Instead, he pretended to clear his throat, “I made sure to keep an eye on you, and in the process, I guess I just… learned a lot about you.”  
  
Nagito’s eyes drifted to the floor again, “Ah, so… did you realize at one point that… I was gay?”  
  
He mumbled with a tight feeling in his chest. Hajime himself looked a bit startled at the question but looked at him admittedly with a small smile, “Actually, I had no idea… Not until you told me yourself, I mean.”  
  
“I had a feeling you’d say that.” Nagito’s voice resounded with the slightest bit of confidence, even with his eyes still looking away from Hajime’s.  
  
“What… do you mean?”  
  
“It’s because I’ve never had eyes for anyone but you.” He said calmly, finally looking back up at Hajime with honest eyes, “…But given how dense you are, it’s not surprising you never noticed.” Nagito’s expression bounced back with the slightest trace of a fond and adoring smile, admiring the slight but growing blush on Hajime’s face.  
  
Hajime himself didn’t know whether to feel embarrassed or to simply wallow in his own feelings. Whatever it was, he couldn’t stop the fluttering feeling in his chest after hearing that as fact again; that he really was the person Nagito was in love with.  
  
He heard a small laugh resounding from the other boy, “Hajime-kun, you sure are flustered easily.” He paused, letting himself lean back on the couch again. “It was the truth, but I’m only teasing you. My feelings were pretty much always out in the open, with me always flirting with you but…”  
Nagito trailed off for a moment like he was lost in thought, and Hajime didn’t realize how long, or why he held his breath.    
  
“Maybe it’s just my imagination, but recently, it’s like you’ve been… reacting a lot more?”  
  
A small wave of panic coursed through his body.  
Hajime’s eyes widened, averting his gaze as he felt his palms grow a bit sweaty, suddenly hyper aware of the other’s realization and how he’d been a little too careless with his own reactions.  
  
“It’s just your imagination.” Hajime’s words came out bluntly, with a little more force than he meant.  
He needed to say so without feeling or any trace of his real emotion for once, as if he hadn’t made it obvious enough given that Nagito had already picked up on it.  
  
He shut his eyes for a moment, forcing himself to pry away before things got out of hand. “Listen, I think it’s getting late and I… should probably get going.”  
  
Nagito looked back at him with confused eyes, but reluctantly gave in.  
  
After a minute of stiff silence, they eventually pushed themselves off the couch and they paced toward the door. But somewhere in the process, Hajime finally looked back up at him, only to watch his frame sway slightly then suddenly lose footing.  
His eyes widened as he felt anxiety consume him again, rushing to catch him before he could hit the ground. “ _Nagit—_ ”   
“I’m fine… I promise.” He quickly reassured, placing his hand where Hajime’s rested on his shoulder. “I just got a bit dizzy and lost my balance for a second… I guess I just need to sleep.” He said a bit weakly as Hajime’s right arm supported him, eyes slightly half-lidded as if exhaustion had caught up to the boy as he spoke.  
  
“…Christ, why didn’t you just tell me if you weren’t feeling well?” Hajime huffed in frustration, assisting Nagito by the shoulders to his bedroom anyway taking one foot at a time.  
Shutting the door behind them, Nagito eventually removed himself from Hajime’s grip as he finally lay himself down on his bed, looking back up at Hajime standing by his side.  
  
Concerned and panicked would be two words to express the look on his face, given how he looked like he was fully ready to go back into nurse mode. But only one more thing was needed for Nagito to throw his plan into action.  
  
Hajime felt another steady sigh escape him, as he turned to leave the room, “Anyways, so long as things are okay, I guess I’ll ge— _What the—?!"  
_  
In that instant, Hajime felt his arm being yanked, with his body falling backwards onto the bed from a strong force, just _barely_ dodging landing on Nagito himself. Stunned with the breath knocked out of his lungs, and more than a little confused, his eyes immediately locked onto Nagito’s smug face.  
And his stupid smile.  
  
“What the hell do you think you’re _doing?_ ” Hajime said, crawling across the bed to Nagito’s side in confrontation.  
Nagito kept his smug look on his face, coolly replying, “It’s a joke! I’m completely fine! Just that I’d rather we sleepover, actually.”  
  
If it was supposed to be a joke, Hajime didn’t feel like laughing. An annoyed growl bubbled within him as he spoke to the nonchalant boy laying in front of him, “You know, Nagito, I was actually worried about you—”  
  
“You’re always worried about me... But I was more worried about you.”  
  
Hajime suddenly stopped in his tracks, caught by surprise by the shift to concern in his words.  
  
Nagito’s eyes flickered toward him guiltily, and Hajime could’ve sworn he saw regret in them, “I think I went too far today. You looked upset at what I said, and I didn’t want you to go home like that because… I mean, I didn’t want you to feel that way. I didn’t want things to be a repeat of whatever happened last time because of me.” Nagito’s voice was quiet again, that faux confident look of his gone from his face, and what stayed was one of… anxiety. His grey eyes were turned away as he spoke, even with Hajime above him, arm propping him up as he listened to what Nagito had to say.

And somehow, all his frustration and annoyance dissipated after hearing him.    
A small smile taking its place instead.  
  
“Still, you didn’t have to fake all that just to get my attention. Besides, you knocked the wind out of me and my arm is kinda sore now… I didn’t expect you to have that much strength.” He muttered under his breath, gently rubbing at his upper arm as it unexpectedly was starting to hurt.  
Nagito’s only response to that was a small laugh, making his face beam a little again, “But, I got you to smile again, didn’t I?”  
  
As Nagito tilted his head a little to let his eyes finally met Hajime’s again, he found Hajime’s expression replaced with feigned annoyance. Hajime let the shadow of his hand hover over the other’s face, letting gravity make it fall and gently slap his left cheek.  
His hand rested there as Nagito winced on impact and pretended to be in pain.  
  
The smile came back to grace Hajime’s face once again, as he found his eyes a little lost in Nagito’s silvery, opal-like eyes.  
Not quite green, but not quite blue either.  
  
“I can’t say I’m surprised. You’ve always done this kind of nonsense when we were kids just to make me happy.” Hajime’s face softened as he looked at the other tenderly, “Y’know, like when you tricked all of the staff to make all my favourite food just because I was being moody.”  
A look of fondness came to Nagito, for the few times he could remember something from his childhood, “What can I say? I guess that’s just my favourite look on you.”    
  
“Man…” Hajime sighed, a smile of endearment for the boy still on his face, “You really are a troublemaker.”  
  
It had definitely been a long way since then.  
A long time since their mischief making days came to an end, when the sound of cicadas was more prevalent than the lonesome silence that lingered in their houses throughout their adulthood days.  
And yet, Hajime never found himself feeling alone.  
Always knowing, always seeing Nagito’s smile at the end of a difficult day at work, always finding it comfort him in ways he could never understand. Even as a child, his unwavering optimism, was always endearing; though the boy had always insisted that his optimism was nothing special, Hajime had always known it to be his greatest strength. The person that pushed him through the worst of their days, when nightmares felt unending to him, Nagito was always, always there for him.  
Maybe Hajime didn’t know when exactly he fell in love with his ways, when he’d started longing to keep him from harm, when he’d started to become conscious of the little parts that made the whole of him.  
  
What made him uniquely _him_.  
  
Hajime didn’t realize how long he’d been lost in his thoughts, or when he’d stopped listening to the words coming out of Nagito’s lips. How instead he’d been staring at his grey eyes and the little features of his face, admiring how his hair remained as wild and silvery as it’s always been, how his face always had a fragile beauty about it, and how it radiated when he smiled, as his hand still lay at the side of his cheek.  
Or unnoticing when his own face slowly started to gravitate toward Nagito’s. Not even realizing when, or after how long, their lips softly met.  
  
All at once, his senses were overpowered, and everything that was buried deep in him came out; all the hidden affection, the admiration, his desire to protect him, his love for everything about him, even his imperfections. Hajime felt the fluttering in his chest intensify, as if his heartbeat wasn’t already loud enough.  
He just kissed him, letting go a gentle sigh as their warm lips part and come back again, never feeling that it was enough.  
  
“Ha…jime?”  
  
Slowly, but surely, reality started to sink in as Hajime finally pulled away, retracting his hand that had just moments ago been carefully touching his jawline, and looking back terrified at Nagito’s wide-eyed and flushed expression under him.  
  
Just like his affections, the reality of the situation overwhelmed him all at once, leaving his heart in a complete silence, as if his blood ran cold upon hearing Nagito’s stunned voice.  
“I… I’m sorry, I don’t know why I…” His throat was closing up, feeling the sudden urge to run away. “I should just—”  
Without finishing his sentence, Hajime pushed himself off of Nagito, and bolted out the bedroom door, swinging open and then locking himself in the bathroom. He pressed his hand to his heaving chest and simply letting his heart have a fit on its own, trying to come to terms with what the hell he’d just done.  
  
It took more than a few moments for Nagito to come to grips with what happened as he just lay there, as still as a statue, and alone on the bed. Almost like he couldn’t believe it was real. His heart for one, couldn’t stop racing, just as his thoughts and the sensation of their lips together wouldn’t leave his mind. But suddenly being struck with the fact that Hajime had just bolted from the room without an answer was more than enough to force himself to run after him.  
  
Nagito’s hand reached for the bathroom door knob. Trying to turn it once, twice with greater force, to no avail.  
“Are you seriously going to lock me out of my own bathroom?” Nagito’s voice heaved with exasperation. Hajime remained silent for a beat, before chirping hesitantly, “Uh… I need to pee.”  
“ _Like hell,_ you do!” He barked back at him. “Just… tell me. What was that about? What did you mean?” Nagito waited a few moments for an answer. Nothing.  
   
Even if he tried to, he couldn’t ignore it.  
He decided to wait, letting his back rest against it as he sat himself down on the floor. Even with his head pressed to the door, he couldn’t hear a thing from Hajime except silence.  
But after a minute or so, he finally muttered, “You know _exactly_ what it meant.”  
  
Nagito felt his eyebrows furrow, as he felt his heart rate pick up again but willed it to calm down.  
“Maybe I do. But I want to hear what you have to say…” He paused, attempting to pick his words carefully, “…before I misunderstand something, I want to hear it from you.”  
   
Another stretch of silence separated their words. But Hajime, as always, never could find the right words to say. But being blunt was his strong point, so he might as well go with that, no matter how much he might hate himself for saying it outright.  
“If I have to then… I guess I should tell you now that, I’ve… been in love with you since I was a child.” He quickly spat out, before his own hands would find his neck to choke himself silent again.  
  
Nagito once again felt his manic heartbeat, and the heat flying up his face, but just as quickly froze in realization. “Wait. S…since _when_? I’m sorry I didn’t catch that.”  
  
“…Childhood.”  
  
“…What?”  
  
“If you’re fucking with me right now, I _swear_ —”  
  
“—I’m sorry!” Embarrassed, Nagito shut himself up before he could dumbly blurt out another confused remark.  
But in his mind, he could visually see his own puzzlement in the form of a busy office being set on fire. He tried to think back to signs or hints, other than blushing at flirts, that he had feelings for him. Everything came out null. Even if blushing was his signal, he knew the boy was prone to being easily embarrassed. There was no way he could’ve known.  
Then again, as he unfortunately considered, his own memory regarding his youth was pretty bad and repressed. In the midst of silence, however, he heard Hajime sigh quietly before he started to speak again.  
  
“Listen,” He started, his voice a bit less rattled than before, “I know you don’t have great memory, so I don’t count on you to remember but, it’s the truth. I did have feelings for you… I _do_ have feelings for you.”  
“But I thought you were in love with Chiaki?” Nagito exclaimed, with a little more force than anticipated.  
“That’s… listen, that night when I tried confessing to Chiaki, she saw right through me. Somehow. She said that my feelings weren’t aimed at the right person… rather, I was projecting.”  
  
After a beat of silence, things started to make a little more sense to Nagito.  
Just a little.  
  
Still, he thought that his feelings for her seemed way too real at the time.  
Hajime immediately picked up on their silence, “I should probably also mention… that night was probably the reason why I started to lose control over my feelings again. That night when you covered my face but kissed me. I started to—” Hajime’s voice cracked a little, but taking a breath in, he continued, “I started to remember all the feelings I had to supress, because of my parents and what they… warned me.”  
  
Those words caught Nagito by surprise. _“His parents? He’s never told me much about them…”_ He curiously thought to himself, listening with his back still pressed against the door.  
  
Hajime didn’t wait for a response anymore. “Truth be told, we weren’t really well off to begin with, but they wanted a life that they had the power to perfect as much as possible. So, when I started to show the signs at a young age, apparently, they didn’t want a kid who _might_ turn out to be gay. So, they left me at the orphanage.”  
  
A dry laugh escaped his lips as he finished the sentence and paused, not long enough to let the memory hurt him, but just enough to let it go with the words that left him.  
  
“One day, however, they came back for some reason and asked to meet me in secrecy. By then I was already best friends with Chiaki, so she and I went to the field at the back of the orphanage. That was the same day we found you. But that day, they didn’t come back for apologies or anything, rather they told me to… stop fooling around with my life, that I shouldn’t be a twisted person who defies society just because I can…” Hajime let his eyelids close for a moment, and taking a deep breath he continued, wondering what Nagito would think of him if he continued with his reasons.  
Even so, he had to.  
  
“When you came into my life I… I think you were my first and only crush…” He spoke quietly as tips of his ears burned a little, all the while demanding his heart to slow down, “I didn’t know what it was that drew me to you but, you’ve always been a charismatic person. I couldn’t keep my eyes off you.”  
  
Hajime felt himself relax a little, recollecting small details of his past, “Not that you’d let me, given how much trouble you got us three into, but I knew I felt something different about you. I let you into my heart at the time, because even then I never understood what my parents meant. Rather, I didn’t understand until I was bullied for it in our final year of elementary school. I don’t know if you remember, but I… stopped coming to school for a little while when things got too bad.”  
  
His body felt like it was tensing up as he recalled, “I stopped looking at you in class, I stopped taking every chance to spend my lunches with you, I stopped sitting closer to you. I finally understood what they meant, and when I did, everything came crashing down on me.”  
   
For the first time in a while, Nagito found it in himself to speak again.  
“Is that why you let go of me? Was that the reason why you were trying to bury your feelings in Chiaki instead?”  
  
Hajime felt an awful tightness in his chest at the hurt in his voice.  
  
“Yeah… I guess so.”  
  
“No, it’s— Then why you didn’t just… tell me?”  
  
There wasn’t anything spoken from Hajime for what seemed like a few minutes, until Nagito could faintly hear his voice say the words, _“I was afraid.”_  
“…I was terrified, that after what happened in my youth, maybe I was going down a path I shouldn’t be going. No matter how much I wanted you. It’s… because of my cowardice, that things turned out the way they did. Even now, I still don’t know if I’m allowed to have feelings for yo—”  
  
“Hajime, can you… please get out of the bathroom?” Nagito forcefully interrupted, taking Hajime by surprise.  
  
The latter hesitated, rather, froze in fear at the request, “I… I don’t think I can look at you in the eyes yet.” He numbly spoke, still feeling dreadfully embarrassed by everything.  
  
A small silence passed between them, only broken by the calming tone of Nagito’s voice.  
“It’s fine, I can turn off the lights and hug you… just like you did.”   
  
A smile found its way to Hajime’s face for the first time in a while. Nagito always had a way of making that happen.    

“Hajime, you’re an adult, aren’t you? The other asked, and Hajime couldn’t help but feel a bit of confusion at what he was trying to get at, “Y-yeah, I am? If being in my early twenties counts as an adult anyway.”  
  
“Then what makes you think that you don’t have a say in how you’re allowed to feel? What makes you feel… that you don’t have the right to follow your own feelings?”  
Nagito got up from the ground as he spoke, and whatever words Hajime had to say had died on his lips as he listened to the other boy.  
  
“At the end of the day, there’s no one to tell you how to live your life or anyone there to judge, right? No one to tell you that you’re wrong for feeling the way you do.”  
  
His fists clenched ever so slightly at the other’s words. Not in anger, rather, disbelief.   
  
A light bubble of laughter came from Nagito’s voice, “You already know about my feelings for you. No matter what others have to say, no matter what happens between us if anything at all, I’ll still be by your side.”  
  
Hajime pushed himself off from leaning on the bathroom door.  
  
“We’re there for you. We’ll always be there for you.” His tone was reassuring and gentle, “That’s my promise to you, Hajime.”  
  
Feeling the warmth in his chest and prick in his eyes again, he took deep breaths to calm himself. To calm his emotions, to keep himself from crying.  
He could faintly make out Chiaki’s and Nagito’s smile ingrained in the back of his mind, how kind and warm they’ve always been. How nurturing their love and companionship has been.  
  
He could only laugh at his own stupidity, as his heart squeezed in his chest.  
_‘Of course, they would…’_  
  
His hand gripped the cool metal of the doorknob, as a single thought trailed his mind,  
_‘Maybe there was nothing to fear anymore.’_  
  
“Would it really be so bad to—” Nagito couldn’t finish his sentence, not when the bathroom door swung open, and before he could register it, found himself smothered in Hajime’s warm and shaken embrace.  
  
Unlike any time before it, Nagito’s heart wasn’t racing; it was calm, at peace, with the boy he deeply cared for and loved in his own arms. A knowing smile came upon his lips, raising his arms to let his hands rest on the other’s back. They couldn’t tell how long they stood there, indulging in the tender moment. A gentle awakening for them.  
   
Hajime could truly believe in the affections he’d been holding back all these years.

All because of the person who’d always been there to guide him along.  
Who refused to let Hajime fall behind. Who fought every terrible incident in his life with an optimistic smile, knowing that it’d get better. Even when it didn’t, he would have a stubborn faith of some sort, to push through until the bitter end anyway. The same person, who had waited for so long without wanting anything in return and done so much just for Chiaki’s and Hajime’s happiness, not even thinking of his own.  
A selfless, hopeful, idiot.  
That was Nagito Komaeda.

The boy in question pulled away slightly, if only to glance at Hajime’s eyes with hesitancy and a light flush. For just a moment, they both felt the weight of their confessions, and yet none of it was as terrifying as their minds made it out to be anymore.  
  
“If… so if we both feel the same way about each other, then… I mean, not that I’m trying to imply anything or rush into anything!” His voice was laced with a bit of panic as he struggled to over his words, and Hajime could feel his breath on his cheek, “You know, I… care about you in a different way, and I don’t have experience with this kind of stuff but…” Nagito paused, finally looking back at Hajime with silvery eyes that were honest, almost asking careful permission.  
  
It felt like things were falling into place. Almost like he’d gained a piece of a puzzle that he never knew he was missing.  
  
Hajime didn’t say a word, merely lifting a hand to the other’s cheek and gently brushing his thumb over smooth skin. Nagito visibly relaxed at the touch, and it made Hajime’s heart warm a little at the sight, as his fingers grazed through wispy white hair to the back of his head, letting the affectionate touch anchor them a little closer than before.  
  
He could practically feel his heart beating in his throat, threatening to break loose as he felt the warmth radiating off Nagito’s face. Hajime would’ve indulged in the sight, if he weren’t in a similar state himself.  
  
Slowly, but surely, their lips met affectionately.  
The touch was initially hesitant, but underlying with eagerness, like something new was starting between them. Like a weight had been lifted off their shoulders at the gentle but heated touch. Hajime pulled back a bit to angle his head a little better, leaning back into the kiss with closed eyes as Nagito parted his lips slightly to deepen it.  
Their lips kept pressing for contact, heartbeats racing with a buzz in their chests, and yet they felt calm about it.  
  
It felt childish to be so happy to be in love and being deprived from it all their lives only made it more foreign, but even sweeter.  
  
Nagito could only anchor the other boy a little closer by looping his arms around his neck, letting out a small and gentle sigh against the other’s lips as they felt the heat radiating off of their faces.  
Hajime felt himself smile a little at the unexpected turn of the situation.  
  
Both of them could only wonder how they got this far, how they could manage to convey something as complicated as feelings.  
  
Yet, here they were, comfortable and happy, in each other’s arms.  
  
_______  
  
  
Somehow, today of all days, Hajime felt nervous standing before Chiaki’s doorstep.  
Almost as if he could sense the other’s hesitation, Nagito gently squeezed his hand as encouragement, only to get a muffled squeak and small blush from behind his scarf.  
  
_‘Affection like this when we’re finally dating is something that’ll take a while for me to get used to, huh?’_ Hajime spoke exasperatedly to himself, feeling like being scolded for reacting to something as innocent has _hand-holding._

Breaking him out of his thoughts, Chiaki’s door swung open before he could react; her expression neutral until she’d noticed the two boys with their hands linked together.  
All at once, the rare wide smile dawned on her lips, as she spoke with a relieved voice, “You finally got it out of your systems, huh?”  
She affectionately clasped her hands to her chest, her smile unfading from her, “It’s been so long… I’m so proud of you two.”  
  
Both Hajime and Nagito felt a warm feeling resounding within them at their dearest friend’s words, looking at the pure joy shining in her eyes as she looked back at them tenderly. They’d acknowledged that it had been hard to come to terms with their past, to come to terms with who they were.  
But it was also thanks to who they were that they could never forget the bonds they’d created between each other, or the feelings that came from it.  
  
They didn’t need to say anything, but a silent agreement between the two boys as they reached out to their short, sweet, female companion and wrapped her in an embrace; the one who’d given them nothing but support and love throughout their lives, the one who’d helped them realize their affections and helped them make their relationship real. They knew she was the one to thank all along.  
  
Hajime didn’t know when he’d started tearing up amidst the warmth of their embrace and comforting silence, thinking about how far the three of them had come in life, how despite all odds, they were still an unbreakable bond that stayed strong against whatever cruelty the world had to offer.  
  
They’d been abandoned by their old families, the world, their parents, but Hajime had been found by Chiaki’s nurturing and lifelong companionship, during his first week at the orphanage.  
He had been found by Nagito, his unwavering optimism and charismatic presence, he was found by the deep love he felt for him.  
And after so long, he had finally found himself, as he was confident that his dearest friends had found their place in the world as well. It’d be a long and gruelling process, but he would stick to it till the end.  
  
After all, despite being lost and abandoned, against all odds, they’d found each other.

**Author's Note:**

> yep! that's the end.  
> thanks for reading, folks! 
> 
> a few notes to make:  
> \- i got very tired and exhausted, so the quality probably suffered every now and then because i had to rush and i humbly apologize  
> \- i really like kmhn and will be back another day  
> \- i feel deep regret that i could not go into chiaki's backstory, but i was running out of ideas + exams are coming up in a few days (i'm graduating high school, so these are my last exams) so i'm a little stressed and distracted  
> \- the title is based off of a song, "Opalite" by Martin Luke Brown; it's lovely and relaxing to listen to on a drive, and while not quite the main inspiration drive for this, it still felt nice to listen to it as i worked!  
> \- i had fun with this! i hope i could please you all even if it's just a little!! <3 
> 
> please feel free to leave kudos or comments (i really love comments)! you can also follow me on my twitter (@eggemperor) as i continue to  
> shitpost about this series and about my general life (if i'm going to be honest)
> 
> but i digress, till next time, thank you so very much for your time and have a wonderful day folks!


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